The Eccentric's Soliloquy

pain

2011-07-01T00:35:00.005+08:00

bercinta biarlah sekadarnya, especially for those with no real ties yet. a 'girlfriend' or 'boyfriend' is just a worthless tag (not even worth mentioning). Cinta ke tu? Rein in those hormones/emotions until marriage, or else you'll be in for a rollercoaster ride without a safety harness and no proper tracks...and you might find yourself thinking in the end - berbaloi ke semua?

And this is only the emotional part..not all those other social/economical/religious issues.

hard truths

2011-07-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

kdg2 pepatah lame/old sayings kat dunie ni ade yg betul wlupun susah nak caye:
luke fizikal bleh sembuh, luke kat hati belum tentu (tapi immunocompromised people tak sembuh2 gak luke diorg)
nice guys finish last
'good girls' like bad boys
you get what you deserve
fate
it's too good to be true
you will sacrifice a lot to live with your ideals
nothing is free
nothing is for certain
ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa
you cant live in the past, you'll only hurt yourself

2011-06-18T07:50:00.002+08:00

lazy..

2011-06-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

layan lagu mase nrp

2011-06-14T19:53:00.000+08:00

geram aa

bukan nye 1st time wat nrp, dah aa tak wat salah, dah aa skor teori
praktikal die kurangkan markah, teammate laen wat silap besar2 skor tinggi2 lagi.
sebab dr dari tuaran, yang takde wad, jadi banyak referral bodo2 ke likas kan.
walaupun skor teori tinggi, tetap bodo,
walaupun soalan pelik2 die bagi sume di settlekan, kite lulus je
takleh cemerlang kalau aim assessor nak failkan saje
takleh jadi instructor sebab doktor hospital tuaran bodo2 kan..antara hospital district hospital tuaran aa referral paling bangang. dah tu nak letak mana budak2 fitting tu?rumah kitorg ke?suruh balik rumah biar mak resuscitate? kalau dah dekat, MO tu tak yakin intubate, nape marah2?kan patient priority? And it's not even me. not even the current MOs punye citer..walaupun mungkin berulang, but do we have a choice?
That's life, unfair for some, a breeze for others. No wonder other doctors fight to stay where they are most comfortable.
Just being good enough wont cut it. Just keeping quiet gets you stepped on. Your small mistakes will be blown up, just because you're an outsider.

takpe2, passing NRP is a small step towards recognition. says the optimistic part of zyryx.
now let's layan JHMYY Michael buble!
takde maksud pape eh...sedap dengar je

My BM is pitiful

2011-05-14T05:50:00.000+08:00

I'm too lazy to compose a complete post, so here's a discussion from my facebook page

soalan kat budak yang pandai bm: ape maksud nestapa? produk nestle ke? pastu natijah tu ape? cam name pempuan je, atau dalam ayat cam 'ape natijahnye ko wat ni?'..ni cam perkataan tahap 'dermaga' je.tak paham aa

May 9 at 9:05pm

Nur Aj and Kuharajan Ramalingam like this.
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh mamak, nak nestapa ping satu (kat sabah ping tu ais)
  May 9 at 9:07pm ·
  Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh kurang manis ye.
  May 9 at 9:08pm ·
- Tuan Zamani Amir hahah...duka nestapa(kata berirama)...natijah tu macam kesan/akibat...
  May 9 at 10:34pm ·
  Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh oooo..jadi takde makne aa
  May 9 at 10:34pm ·
- Tuan Zamani Amir contoh....ini satu kisah seorang budak yang duka nestapa kerana ibunya batuk(iklan ubat batuk ibu dan anak)
  May 9 at 10:35pm ·
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh nape aku tak ingat ayat tu camtu aa?
  May 9 at 10:35pm ·
- Tuan Zamani Amir bendetu tak penting untuk ko...jadi ko block out....
  May 9 at 10:36pm ·
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh semalam aku ada tanya orang pasal dermaga, die pun salah gak,haha
  May 9 at 10:36pm ·
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh haha, cam biase a eh
  May 9 at 10:36pm ·
- Tuan Zamani Amir ko tanye sape tu?hahah...
  May 9 at 10:38pm ·
- Tuan Zamani Amir patut tanye Yee Yik aaa...kompem btul...heheh
  May 9 at 10:39pm ·
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh haha...Neoh Yee Yik dengar tuu
  May 9 at 10:39pm ·
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh jap2, kalau die kate aku rase nestapa dalam lagu bila cinta tu, maksudnye bukanla rase air nestle baru eh.diorg short formkan duka nestapa rupenye.nnt kene aa natijahnye
  May 9 at 10:42pm ·
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh nyet3..still rase tak bes gune..haha
  May 9 at 10:42pm ·
- Falah Hamzah Dermaga saksi bisu( lagu salem sbb aku org ganu) dermaga tu awek cun bontot besar.
  May 9 at 11:03pm ·
- Falah Hamzah Nestapa tu nescafe buatan pokcik stopa. Kat ganu stopa tu short form mustafa.
  May 9 at 11:04pm ·
- Falah Hamzah Natijah tu verdict la zul. Adoyai.
  May 9 at 11:06pm ·
- Mohd Zulhairi Jusoh setau aku nes- tu mcm short untuk instant..jadi maksud ko nestapa tu 'instant pokcik mustopa' la, kat dungung, eh
  May 10 at 5:52am ·
- Neoh Yee Yik sorri lah sy punya bm dah karat lah hahaha
  Wednesday at 9:22pm ·

bbq di mana kejadian itu berlaku

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T08:42:00.009+08:00

Thank you for bringing up this troublesome son

aaaaa

2011-04-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

The last few posts were a bit embarrassing. I did them on the same day and scheduled them, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Those kinds of posts might have been better in my *cough*drafts

But after some thought, what the heck...so here's looking at you, world

(I'm recycling/reusing old pictures ~~because I'm lazy~~ to lessen the number of trees chopped down)

whut arr U looking at?

yes, I was thinking that at the time

this is my real face

asdfasd

sad but has some truth -- girls luurve bad guys - AND this guy's the sought after tall, dark and handsome, with cape and helmet, and life support system

Subuh

2011-04-26T22:28:00.004+08:00

Tips Bangun Subuh..

Sebelum Tidur ( Fokusnya persiapan sebelum tidur)

1. Sebelum tidur, lakukan persiapan yang sewajarnya. Ini kerana kita akan melangkah ke alam tidur. – Ada sesetengah orang menyatakan ia sebagai alam kematian yang sementara. Kita kena bersedia. Are You Ready?

2. Pastikan tempat tidur berada dalam keadaan yang sesuai da selesa untuk tidur. Pastikan ia kemas dan tidak kotor.

3. Ambil wudhuk, bersihkan muka dan gosok gigi agar mulut anda bersih dan suci. Saya pasti, anda akan merasai kesegaran dan kenyamannya.

4. Biasakan dirikan solat sunnat 2 rakaat – terpulanglah sama ada solat taubat, hajat atau apa pun. Jika saya, kebiasaannya solat sunat taubat. Aggaplah ia sebagai stesen muhasabah diri sebelum melelapkan mata.

5. Jika mampu, tutupkan malam anda dengan membaca Al-Quran. Biasanya selalu kita lihat ramai yang melazimi surah Al-Mulk sebelum tidur. InsyaAllah, kita juga boleh lakukannya.

6. Setkan jam loceng atau alarm telefon bimbit pada waktu yang ingin anda bangun. Sedikit pandangan saya, jika boleh setkan alarm telefon dengan alunan azan atau ayat Al-Quran. Bagi saya, ia sangat-sangat sesuai. Kita dikejutkan dengan kalimah-kalimah yang mulia. Cuba elakan dengan muzik-muzik yang tidak selari dengan nafas ruh Islam.

7. Baringkan badan dengan selesa dan baca tiga kul. Surah Al-Ikhlas, Al-Falaq dan An-Nas. Kemudian tarik nafas dan hembus dengan keselesaan anda.

8. Justeru, pejamkan mata dan sambil-sambil beristighfar dan berzikir sehinggalah mata terlelap tidur dengan tenang, aman dan damai.

Selepas Tidur

1. Kita akan terjaga jika terdengar jam loceng atau alunan azan daripada telefon kita. Ok baiklah, cuba elak untuk menutup bunyinya sehinggalah anda benar-benar tersedar.

2. Kemudian, duduk dan cuba elak dari membaringkan diri semula. Kemudian, bacalah doa bangun subuh.

3. Baiklah, Rasulullah SAW memberi panduan kepada kita bahawa apabila kita tidur terdapat 3 ikatan yang diikat oleh syaitan semasa kita tidur. Justeru ada 3 kaedah untuk merungkaikan ikatan itu. Yang pertamanya telah saya sebutkan dalam tips ke 2.

4. Baiklah, seterusnya terus ke bilik air basuh muka, gosok gigi dan bersihkan badan. Dan ambilkan wudhuk dengan tenang. InsyaAllah, wudhuk akan merungkaikan ikatan yang ke dua.

5. Seterusnya, kata Rasulullah kita dirikan solat sunat 2 rakaat. InsyaAllah ikatan ke 3 akan terungkai dengan izin Allah SWT.

6. Dan, selepas itu saya yakin kita akan sedar, bertenaga dan ceria. Dan boleh kita membaca Al-Quran dan sebagainya.

I don't need to say anything. I'm too ashamed to add anything
Taken from my friend's family blog. May Allah bless them.

Doa Sebelum Tidur dan Doa Sesudah Bangun Tidur

Author: Agus Waluyo

7 Apr

• Sebelum Tidur Membaca Doa :

بِاسْمِكَ اللّهُمَّ أَحْيَاوَأَمُوتُ

bismikallahumma ahya wa amutu
Artinya :
Dengan nama-Mu ya Allah aku hidup dan mati
• Sesudah Bangun Tidur Membaca Doa :

اَلْحَمْدُ ِللهِ الَّذِى أَحْيَانَا بَعْدَمَا أَمَاتَنَا وَإِلَيْهِ النُّشُورُ

alhamdulillahil ladzi ahyana ba’da ma amatana wailaihin nusyur
Artinya :
Segala puji bagi Allah yang menghidupkan aku kembali setelah mematikan aku dan kepada Allah akan bangkit
Keterangan :
Doa ini berdasarkan hadits nabi yang saya ambil dari Riadust Shalihin :

عَنْ حُذَيْفَةَ وَأَبِىذَرٍّ رَضِىَاللّهُعَنْهُمَا قَالَ : كَانَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّ اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَاأَوَى إِلىَ فِرَاشِهِ قَالَ : بِاسْمِكَ اللّهُمَّ أَحْيَاوَأَمُوتُ ، وَإِذَااسْتَيْقَظَ قَالَ : اَلْحَمْدُ ِللهِ الَّذِى أَحْيَانَا بَعْدَمَا أَمَاتَنَا وَإِلَيْهِ النُّشُورُ . رَوَاهُ الْبُخَارِىُّ

Artinya :
Hudzaifah r.a. dan Abu Dzarr keduanya berkata : Adalah Rasulullah saw. jika akan tidur membaca : bismikallahumma ahya wa amutu (Dengan nama-Mu ya Allah aku hidup dan mati), dan apabila bangun tidur membaca ; alhamdulillahil ladzi ahyana ba’da ma amatana wailaihin nusyur (Segala puji bagi Allah yang menghidupkan aku kembali setelah mematikan aku dan kepada Allah akan bangkit). (Bukhari)

Doa

2011-04-25T22:13:00.008+08:00

tgh stres sikit. tgh cool down. senang sikit sebab duduk sorg

sambil2 tu layan dengar lagu ni

Lirik Lagu Ungu Doa Lyrics

Tuhan jamahlah hatiku
yg kering dan hampa tanpa kasih
atas kuasaMu ku terlahir
dan hanya padaMu ku kembali
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.net
dalam tanganMu ku pasrahkan
jalan panjang hidupku yg kan ku tempuh
hanya padaMu ku memohon
dan hanya padaMu ku bersujud
reff: tunjukkan aku menuju jalan lurusmu
agar aku dapat wujudkan tobatku
terangi aku dalam gelapnya duniaku
agar aku bisa dapatkan ridhaMu
Ya Allah Ya Robbi
Ya Rahman Ya Rochim
repeat reff [2x]
Ya Allah Ya Robbi
Ya Rahman Ya Rochim
[3x]

I'm old, but am I ready?I thought I was, but maybe I wasn't. When? Let fate decide.InsyaAllah...I'll try to be the wise and patient man I need to be for my future family, if I am ever given the chance for such a burden.

PS: this is a scheduled post, since I already made a similar post earlier in the same day

Insya Allah

2011-04-24T11:11:00.001+08:00

Masya Allah..one of the most beautiful songs today.

Every one has their troubles, their own trials and tribulations. This song truly heals in a way.

Insha Allah Lyrics | Inshallah Lyrics

By: Maher Zain

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Everytime you commit one more mistake
You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way
Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way
Turn to Allah
He’s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray

OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don’t let me go astray
You’re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way x2
Insyaallah x3
Insya Allah we’ll find the way

Video & Lyrics Information

Artist: Maher Zain
Album: Thank You Allah
Lyrics: Maher Zain & Bara Kherigi
Melody: Maher Zain
Arrangement: Maher Zain & Hamza Namira
Copyright: Awakening Records 2009


an empty pic- easier to keep thgs inside,and focus on important thgs

remember La Tahzan,
Apply moderation in everything, whether shopping, eating, loving or hating,
kurangkan membebel/ mengeluh, lebihkan berdiam, banyakkan berzikir

Remind me, as I remind myself, and try to remind others too, for we are only reminders,

fazakkir innama anta muzakkir

and remind each other with truth and patience

Except those who believe and do good, and exhort one another to Truth, and exhort one another to patience.

In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

By (the Token of) Time (through the ages),
Verily Man is in loss,
Except such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds,
and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth,
and of Patience and Constancy.

- translation by Abdullah Yusuf Ali

What little time I have in this world, I hope to have at least done a little good, and may Allah forgive me for my countless sins, for I am just another human with a weak heart full of desires.

InsyaAllah, we'll find our way

zul is bored

2011-04-23T00:03:00.004+08:00

Time alone is the best time,
Probably because I'm an introvert, something I have come to embrace fully, Alhamdulillah.


embracing my self..not another weird cult. And this picture is not me trying a weird cult in Russia, just so you know

Unfortunately it doesn't mean I can live alone. Being stuck without friends to hang out with is a bummer, and really depressing. I still need people.
This is the first time I've really been living alone. Usually I had housemates, or was living with my parents, like everyone else. My last housemate advised me against this, but at that time, it was the most easy and obvious answer to living here.
Now I spend as much time alone as I want. In fact, I'm spending too much time alone, which sometimes drive me nuts.

nuts i tell Ye

i miss sifi

these guys too, and mr snegurochek

snorkeling a whole day was fun, exciting, and a bit salty

There are perks, I don't get tired around people, I have that much time for self-reflection (not in the mirror, more like muhasabah etc), I restarted a lot of things/hobbies I usually did as a student, I get to go on travels and such, and usually got that extra mile I usually don't go when going with less adventurous friends, and I organize myself better, or worse depending on the mood. But recently, a chance meeting, and other opportunities to hang out with some people other than myself unnerved me a bit. And I find myself missing my family and old friends, and wanting new ones. I want to go on adventures with friends, go eat out with other people, because them being there makes it that more significant. Otherwise I'd be like an explorer or poet, telling people of those adventures that might have just been lies or a figment of my imagination. OK that's not exactly the reason why, but bottom line, being alone is awesome, but I need friends soon or I'll feel like I'm missing out a lot. My plan - call old friends and family more, and get in touch with the family and friends I know here, be more open minded and accept new friends. Plans don't usually work, but they help, InsyaAllah.

Andai Ku Tahu

2011-04-17T00:22:00.002+08:00

I temporarily stopped blogging due to some distractions...

I've been soul searching, again. But finding out more doesn't necessarily produce answers. More often, more questions arise.
I thought I found something important, but I ended up more confused, as always.
Cryptic, eh?

Truly a lot has happened, for instance..
My house was broken in last week. I lost a laptop, my family's DSLR camera, a thumbdrive, and an external hard disk drive. Ironically, those were the most expensive things I do have, and I was quite attached to these things, other than my car. I don't know why, but I kept remembering that story about a religious man, who came into his house and saw a robber. The robber thought he was another robber, and the man helped the robber carry his stuff outside. I don't remember parts of the story, but it ends with the robber finding out he was actually the house-owner, and he was willingly giving all his possessions. I wish I was as patient and generous.
As a result I had to delay my CME presentation, and bought a desktop computer, since I still needed to refer my patients via e-mail (also delayed due to the robbery)
Maybe I'm not suited for precious things, since I keep losing them. And I should not have any attachments to things too much.

I passed by another accident today. As usual, I stopped and tried to help however I could. This time, it was too late for the poor victim. But it wasn't as simple as that. I hesitated to go out of the car. I was questioning myself, whether I was helping by going or not, and whether it was worth it. When I came out, they were just about to cover the body. Apparently the policemen already considered him dead. He probably was, I didn't check, which wasn't a bright decision. I kept quiet and asked around if there were any other victim. He was crying in a dark place. His friend had died in front of him. After making sure he was not in any immediate danger, I left. No one knew I was a doctor, but there wasn't need for any anymore. Until now I kept thinking about what happened tonight. Death. It comes to everyone, at any time. Life is so fragile. People working in a hospital know this first hand.
Then I thought again about my own mortality. It could be anything from a sudden disease to an accident. I felt vulnerable, and shaken.
I probably have nothing I could proudly say I have achieved in this world or to show in the next world.
It's probably nothing, but I am worried that when I do go, I would leave only troubles and bad sentiments. In this sense, it's good that I haven't found a partner, and I have so many siblings, that can take care of my parents.I haven't even repaid my debts to my parents, my family and friends for their love and support. Hopefully I have paid my debts, and my family can take my money from the bank for this purpose, insyaAllah.
What I'm really scared is the small amount of ibadah I have done, the many, many times I have been absent-mindedly missing my prayers and such, and most of all...the wrong I have done to others, whether purposely or not.
I don't know how long I have in this world. My gut feelings have been proven wrong at times.
But if I do go,

please let me go with peace at heart, and forgive me for everything...at the very least, my only salvation would be leaving only memories and nothing else

Andai ku tahu.
Kapan tiba ajalku
Ku akan memohon tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andai ku tahu
Kapan tiba masaku
Ku akan memohon Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku
Aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut dosa yg terus membayangiku

Andai ku tahu
Malaikat-Mu kan menjemputku
Izinkan aku mengucap kata taubat pada-Mu
Aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut dosa yg terus membayangiku

Ampuni aku dari segala dosa dosaku
Ampuni aku menangis ku bertaubat pada-Mu
Aku manusia yang takut neraka
Namun aku juga tak pantas disurga
[Lirik oleh http://mp3.PORTAL007.net]

Andai ku tahu.
Kapan tiba ajalku
Izinkan aku mengucap kata taubat pada-Mu
Aku takut akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut dosa yg terus membayangiku
Ampuni aku dari segala dosa dosaku
Ampuni aku menangis ku bertaubat pada-Mu

And Abraham instructed his sons [to do the same] and [so did] Jacob, [saying], "O my sons, indeed Allah has chosen for you this religion, so do not die except while you are Muslims." [Al-Baqarah:132]

Hopefully I will die as a Muslim, at the very least.

I... inquisitions Part II

2011-03-09T19:17:00.036+08:00

Part TWO of the Inquisition,

As we go deeper into the dark path of HOship, the Inquisitor starts to break down. Looking up from the torture chamber, a bloody eyeball falling out, the Dude continues on

Dude: strangely enough, none of my juniors asked anything specific..a general question will get a general answer

Nerd:
I'd be lying if i say i didn't deflate just tiny a bit reading through your answer. It's really nothing new. I've heard most of it before (although u provided me with more detail than i ever managed to dig out of anyone else)...
*bla bla bla bla bla

Picking his nose, the Dude lifts a severed limb and pats the Inquisitor's shoulder meaningfully..

..It can't be helped, I'm a frustrated pessimist with a penchant for mean words. But I keep hearing the same recurring theme again and again - all work, no play, no life (not that i have much of that to begin with) - that I feel such an ominous feeling about my future. Like i'd be thrown into a deep well with no way out once i graduate and start working. Insane and morbid, but that's the kind of vibe I'm getting. I'm beginning to question whether this is what i want for myself but I'm so late into the game now to even consider the possibility of turning back. Sigh~

*bla bla bla bleep bleep....
I'm sure your juniors would be equally delighted to get the same in-depth analysis of the daily workings of a junior doctor's life (even when all they do is ask u general questions). Copy, paste, and spread the love?? But of course Copyright it first, is my suggestion

*I had to omit part of it to not get off topic, although it seems all right with me getting off topic, and of course - for the fun of it, hehe.

Dude:
Aww..dont take away the little spring in your steps just for this.
We working people love to give a little scare once in a while to undergraduates...it's one of the perks of being there before you guys, hehe.
I try not to exaggerate and give an almost accurate answer, with facts not feelings, but I'm an intuitive person ( I took a personality test, see) so I speculate and stuff.
To see your future in a different light, consider this:-
- the worst is only housemanship, after that you get to choose what you want to do...if you're lucky - right after housemanship.
- some chose not to do any more calls and went to general practice,
Dont want to see so many deaths? Join rehab, occupational therapy, physiotherapy, etc.
Not interested in treating people anymore? join administration, kesihatan, transfusion therapy, forensics etc. All are equally respectable jobs with good benefits and career propects.
You want more money? private practice is a gold mine.
Being in medicine means you dont have to worry about recessions and joblessness (at least for now, and historically, virtually never. You are an asset in war, famine, poverty or prosperity)
You want to make a difference, and like to travel? Join Mercy and other charity organisations after your housemanship, or just do your job well.
Some find that they've gotten used to on call life, some even like it ( I suspect they are bipolar) and join their favourite departments.
Some still like their field of choice and go for it, accepting everything they like and dont like about it

If you wondered why did you join medicine in the first place, things would not be so smooth even if you joined engineering or business or become a lawyer.. nearly every "normal" working life nowadays includes 8-5 jobs with less free time, 5-6 working days/week, about 25 days off allowed per year (if in private organisations, it might be shorter)
Maybe a food/drug taster, or a stunt driver might have more free time and money.
Besides, what good is that brain of yours if you dont use it, unless you really really like making drawings or computers or some other stuff, and even if you do, you can pursue those after getting your degree/finishing housemanship.

I once thought the same during my student years, all work, no life, then I checked back, and we are leading perfectly fulfilling lives, and you probably have more hobbies than most people. We might have problems, but so does everyone. This is not heaven - yet (InsyaAllah).

You probably might even like housemanship. It sounds like hardship but it's a training phase that you need to enjoy to complete, and most do find gratifying reasons to stay there. And the sweet memories will make you closer with those living those moments with you.
Bla bla

I just read an article about US doctors calling for a postgraduate rotating internship (the proposed internship is about a year long...they previously had that until the 1970s) due to the increasing number of physicians (encompassing all major specialties) saying they have regrets and are unhappy with their choice of specialty.

My point is, Housemanship is a good opportunity see what you're really made of, and really addresses the issue of what you really like/want deep down. With more time to choose, you'll be less likely to regret what you choose. Although, personally I also think at least 2 years is a bit overkill, but our higher ups justify this by saying
1) We become UD41 officers straight away
2) We get call claims, which means we make a lot more money than other starting jobs
3) We get an automatic pay raise & promotion once we finish (which I still have yet to see)
Dont worry, good luck and concentrate on your studies. Housemanship is still far away.
Now Im going to copy-paste this to my blog. No one reads it anymore anyway, but sure, I'll share..hehe You're welcome, Salam

I... inquisitions

2011-03-08T19:17:00.007+08:00

A new friend asked me some things a lot of my juniors asked, but either I never had the time, I was lazy, or they never asked the right questions. I was asked to share the information, so here it is.. with minor alterations, because I'm lazy
For my undergraduate juniors,

jeng jeng jeng

Under threat of DEATH and immeasurable pain and torture, Zyryx, as the Dude, unmasked, bares it all..
Housemanship's biggest secrets, finally revealed..

Zyryx:
ok im back but i got kinda lost.
What do you wanna know actually?
I can speculate..probably by the time you got here evaluations will be the norm for every new dr..unfortunately for you, but maybe for the better. although it would be weird for a relatively poor med system like malaysia to suddenly evaluate the universities overseas which are definitely in higher standards according to the world, which they initially recognised..im a bit tired

Nerd:
Haha. I didn't expect an answer straight away, dude. Go catch ur breath.
And yes i've heard about the exam thingy tho i'm not overly worried about it. I mean really, whats 5 yrs worth of overseas education if i cant pass one back home (confidence much?? Hehe)
Anyway, What i really want to know is the working conditions, the hours, the on-calls u're expected to do per month, the assessments, the criteria to which hospital u're sent to (as u might imagine, i'd prefer to be close to home) etc etc
and maybe, if after all that u find urself still willing to divulge me with classified info, the wage (a rough guesstimate will do).
Thanks in advance :)
P/s: i understand u're a busy man (as i imagine all docs are), so take ur time to answer (if u want to answer at all that is). I'm in no rush.

Dude:
umm..about the exams..maybe the first few batches will find it a problem, and the new universities without seniors. But only initially. No one really has the time to make new questions for an extra exam previously not needed anyway, IMHO.
Assessment is difficult for me to tell about. I suspect it falls on the specialist supervising. Some do drastic stuff like making sudden spot checks on log books (typically left to the last minute to fill- you dont have much time with your work anyway) and automatically (cruelly) extend another 3 months of your life in that particular department. The worse part is rumours tend to be considered true and getting extended indirectly because of that happens too. Please dont be one of those who do that. The knowledge part is mostly clinical...they want to know if you can actually make a proper assessment, diagnosis and management plan of the most common conditions, at least.

Housemanship life is actually getting better. You get 1 day off every weekend, depending on your posting, if you're lucky, and more people means more time for teaching,study and stuff...but for training you'll have lesser chances to do procedures, as there are more of you. still it doesnt mean life wont be as bad as they say. working life is always different, no matter what field you're in.. work = 7am-5/6/7pm x 6days/week, 25 days per year allowed for sick/leave, including public holidays and between postings, and what you do affects the efficiency of the hospital, the patient's diagnosis, and ultimately the morbidity and mortality of you patients. You might feel small and useless, being the lowest in the pecking order... but remember that you will be part of the system, and a vital one, even if you dont feel it. Try not to take it out on the nurses or patients too much, or even your own fellow housemen.
A houseman can be wrong, allowed to make minor mistakes, and miss certain things, but you are expected to learn from it and improve.
Now I feel like a truism factory. So I'll stop there..

To answer your question, I might end up writing a book. Which is a good thing if I did and get guys like you to buy it and live life rich and not working anymore..now isn't that every writer's dream.

Money-wise.. my friends who graduated from Australia and Ireland, and worked there made much, much, much, (consider walking to the toilet and coming back and I still havent finished) much more money than working here..Heck, I guess even your monthly allowances from the government isn't much difference from what I make.
the wage is like this...basic starting wage is around RM2500, and you get critical allowances, housing/hostel allowances, collar allowances etc and it will be about rm3500+ (usually about rm3600 upwards) no matter what you do. Now, add your calls..each calls will be around rm100-110 (for HOs), and you get to do these charmingly enjoyable 24hour-long working marathons (and continue normal working hours the next day, again depending on where you work) about 7-15 times a month.
(15 is life-changing, if I was a Buddhist, I'd claim I achieved a state of Nirvana at the end, if I was a Christian, I met Jesus a.s. and saw the Pearly Gates, I saw stars in the day and a bright light at night, with the donkey's voice frantically telling me to stay away, and I learned certain truths like it's perfectly normal to wear unwashed, unironed shirts to work, and if I dont smell it, and no one says it does, it doesnt smell)

I dont think you'll get the pleasure of doing 15 calls, but prepare to spend the rest of your life (well, this depends on your choice later) to spend every 1 in 4 days of your life in the hospital. Oh sorry, where was I?
rm2500--> rm 3500+ + rm700 = rm4200...it's around there.

Of course you can choose not to claim your calls, working for charity or just plain ignorance.. and get about rm3500+.. Now why do I say this?because I did that for nearly a year, and I know a few who do..usually the ones nearly breaking down.
I still consider it as payback to the govt, or for my sins, but I suggest you don't do it, and try to take care of yourself in that 2 years housemanship. I was forced to leave most of my hobbies and interests.
I went online, but I nearly stopped blogging,
I never read/finished any books/novels other that select comics and protocols/references (which is another thing I wanna tell..try to keep doing something to keep yourself sane).
I never took photos.
I only cooked simple meals once every few months,
I didnt play football for 2 years (it's not my favourite sport, but it is a form of exercise..I still tried to cope with other forms of exercises, but none on a regular basis like during my student years).
Meeting friends and family became precious moments I try not to miss. A free day is far between and I either spend it sleeping (I'm not very good at time management, which is a miracle how I got to finish housemanship) or doing something meaningful.
If you plan to get married, married people have more responsibilities, but they get someone close by to support each other, so it might be a good thing. Some have problems, like staying apart (1 klang HO's wife, another HO was in Sabah), children/pregnancy, and one unlucky girl I know got divorced after a few months, but it was only that one and I dont really know the details.
Maybe I should have divided my answers. Like I said..it'll take a book to answer everything well..otherwise this answer is more like bits and pieces. I hope this helps. Dont get down because of it. Our profession has a lot to offer. The choices you can make are so varied, you will get what you want in the end (eg time, money, work-life balance, an interesting life, a way to help people, etc) if you really want it, InsyaAllah

Tomorrow: Part II of the Inquisition - an astonishing turn of events unfolds!

oops

2011-02-27T20:02:00.001+08:00

somebody help me

OMG what did I just do?

its delicious anyway, for me at least.

This is nasi ayam, my style
my delicious mess
It's really different from what I envisioned it, but it will do.
I bought a whole chicken yesterday, cut it up,
marinated with garlic, thick soy sauce, oyster sauce, etc
then remembered I had to boil the chicken first (I use the soup for, well, soup, and the chilli sauce, and the chicken rice)
then I marinated the chicken again, and went to the nearest car wash as I felt lazy and tired (havent eaten since morning)..the car wash took it's own sweet time (><), and by the time I went back home, the soup was more then ready, and the chicken too soft and crumbly to actually fry, as originally planned
So I did the next best thing, fry all of it together and make the "ayam kicap pekat" you see
on the upper right
Next was the rice, I had made a perfectly fried (tumis) blend of onions, ginger , butter and spices
but used only pipe water for the rice (><).
As usual, after a split second, I went 'Oh well', and proceeded to pour the contents into the sink and added the necessary soup water, and added more butter and some salt. the result is what you see on the left upper corner
The soup and chilli sauce werent much of a big deal..I put a lot of stuff in, because I couldnt find any cucumber, and the cholera cases freak me out a bit about eating raw vegetables.

Whatever it is, I had fun making it, and the taste was good, for me

The problem is I made too much of it

blue bird

2011-02-26T12:09:00.000+08:00

im cleaning up my site, here's the blue bird initially at the bottom of the page, new link, same song

all the others are saved in drafts.

The last lecture, and achieving your dreams

2011-02-24T19:03:00.004+08:00

I had a really bad call last night,
A baby died in front of my eyes, another old patient died next to her, and I had such difficult cases, most had to be sent within the hour to Queen for further management impossible in my hospital, and needed constant doctor supervision/escort..up until this morning.
Motivation and inspiration is important to keep yourself sane in moments like these so I watched "The last lecture" by the late Randy Pausch.. I watched a shortened version a few years ago (I think it was on oprah)
His "last lecture" was so good, he was listed by Times Magazines in the "100 most inpirational people" list

read more if you want the the complete version

I was tired and cancelled most of my plans for the day, but I made a new friend in the peads dept, and a sense that I contributed somewhat to helping a few lives..

Here's the long version

A few lessons I'd like to point out in this lecture is
1. the brick walls are there for a reason : they let us prove how badly we want things
3. though not in the lecture, remember to live the day as if it is your last, and work as if you'll be working there a thousand years
4. the importance of "head fakes"
5. have something to bring to the table, because then you will be more welcome
6. show gratitude, and give credit when credit's due
7. a good apology should have 3 parts - the apology, admit your fault, and attempt to make it right again
8. The people who criticize you are the ones who care for you the most, when you see yourself doing something badly, and nobody's saying anything to you anymore, that's a very bad place to be
9. experience is what you get when you didnt get what you want, meaning you can get more from not achieving your dreams than actually achieving it.

interesting stuff I read on the way

- the vomit comet

- the alice programme
-the dutch-uncle concept

pengen kurus...

2011-02-21T20:30:00.001+08:00

you can claim ignorance..but nearly everyone's felt this way at one point in their lives, aight?
as for the lyrics

Lagu baru ini adalah curahan hati
Dimohon jangan tertawa

Aku pengen kurus
Punya badan seksi dan terurus
Aku pengen kurus
Perut six pack tanpa selulit dan mulus

gue ngaku gue gendut pengen kurus
badan penuh selulit udah kagak mulus
tapi kagak kuat cuma makan ayam kukus
olahraga suka males harapan pun pupus

bangun pagi cara cemilan cari jajanan
tiap dua jam laper cari makanan
jam 6 sampe 11 masih sarapan
pengen punya perut six pack tinggal harapan

bukan salah mcd atau KFC
gue sendiri buat perut gendut seksi
makan terus tak terasa tak terdeteksi
rasa kenyang berlebihan jadi obsesi

lama-lama berat nambah gak karuan
udah susah berubah mau pindah haluan
udah seporsi masih kagak cukup
gak pake nasi, akh laper ga nutup

Aku pengen kurus
Punya badan seksi dan terurus
Aku pengen kurus
Perut six pack tanpa selulit dan mulus

Segala macem cara udah dicoba
Untuk bisa buat diri gw berubah
Ikut fitnes, rajin olahraga
Tapi abis itu makan malah nambah

Hipnotis kalah sama hipnotis iklan
Restoran goreng daging sama ikan
Gimana gw mo bisa fokus sama niat
Kalau rasa laper berontak menggeliat

Ok coba duduk, enggak makan
hmpp, Tukang bakmie ayam lewat di hadapan
Udah murah, ceban bisa dua porsi
Langsung loncat secepat kilat dari korsi

Bang, kering kagak pake sambel
2 porsi mienya, minta yang tebel
Pake saos banyak sama daun bawang
Gimana mau kurus, gimana dong abang

Aku pengen kurus
Punya badan seksi dan terurus
Aku pengen kurus
Perut six pack tanpa selulit dan mulus

Aku pengen kurus
Jangan cuma ngomong doang, ayo diet diet
Aku pengen kurus
Jangan cuma ngomong doang, ayo diet diet
Aku pengen kurus
Jangan cuma ngomong doang, ayo diet diet

Aku pengen kurus
Punya badan seksi dan terurus
Aku pengen kurus
Perut six pack tanpa selulit dan mulus

kalo sebelum ni..emy n teah jerk yg dgr luahan hati ini...
skrg...dgr la satu dunia.....
azam tau baru???
muahahahahhaahha

shamelessly taken from another blog just now

In search of happyness

2011-02-19T18:59:00.006+08:00

Here are some of many ways to search for one's happiness..

1. some look around them
2. a few look inside themselves
3. some groups creates their own aims, and obtain happiness either by achieving their goals, or on the way there
4. others go to far exotic lands, where the different cultures makes it almost fairy tale like

5. find that special someone
6. strengthen your family bonds/relationships with gifts, spending time together, etc
7. sleep early for 8 hours and wake up without missing the pillow
8. find it in other's happy-ness
9. do a physical activity that you like
10. play games with your friends
11. go for an adventure
12. lose a game to a 9 year old (except Dota/LoL - I feel like wringing the necks of those little foul-mouthed buggers)
13. help a complete stranger
14. donate
15. listen to music
16. watch a movie/sitcom
17. go to fairs/carnivals and ride a rollercoaster, or any other like minded stuff for the thrill
18. play with the cat next door
19. wear that fancy outfit for a day
20. read the Quran
21. read a book
22. do a random good deed
23. forget about the trifle human rules and regulations
24. forget the criticism and condemnations, if you cant make it constructive
25. concentrate on the positive side
26. make a list of things you like to do that make you happy
27. make a list of thing you'd like to do
28. read comics
29. look at old pictures of adventures past, family and friends, and a younger, smarter, fitter, and better looking you
30. eat out, preferably with friends/family
31. chocolates
32. cheese...or cheesecakes
33. make a chocolate drink, find a comfortable, cozy position and read a good book or watch a favorite sitcom/movie

Things NOT to do
- finding happiness in hurting others
- decide what is happy for yourself, and accepting nothing else
- do something reckless and permanently damaging
- drugs, smoke, alcohol
- do wrong just to see how it feels like
- laugh at the unwilling expense of others
- spend3
- sleep3
- be a couch potato full time
- keep dreaming
-propagate hate

I made lists like this whenever I was down,
I found out something too, people really like to read hate instigating stuff than anything else..the only things to counter them are exceptionally inspiring stuff

snorkel snorkel- and underwater photography

2011-02-18T22:01:00.003+08:00

One fine weekend, I decided to check out the islands just outside Kota Kinabalu

so I headed down to Jesselton pier, armed with my new camera and about 2 hundred ringgit.
the price was good, and I went on one of the commercial boats, which didnt need any booking or a group
I booked boats for Mamutik, Sapi and Manukan Islands..each about 2 hours from 10am-4pm (the last boats go back at 4pm)
I bought a disposable underwater camera too, it's sold at the shops near the counters costs rm58 and the film can take about 28 photos, and rented the snorkeling equipment and a life jacket for rm10 each

on the boat I met these three tourists from Belarus, they were surprised as I could speak Russian and thought I was a translator. I wasted about 4 disposable daily contact lenses trying to put them on in the speedboat. Dont ask me why I did that,

the Islands were pristine and beautiful, with many tourists visiting, and it was mostly clear and clean.

I suggest not to bring anything too fancy/expensive as there were no lockers on the islands..as far as i found out

my first attempts at snorkelling were laughable. I'm not used to the water environment like my ex roomate Zam, and I've always felt vulnerable there. I almost immediately sucked in the water, got a nasty cut (above), and flailed my arms around...but luckily I could still stand in the water. Then I proceeded to try to get to the spots where they said the corals & fishes were most beautiful..and cautiously went along the ropes tied to balloons they used for borders in the snorkelling areas. The ropes were not really nice to hold, as they had their own moss, living things and sharp corals or things that kept giving me cuts.

Later in Pulau Sapi, as I got better, I ventured out into deeper, more beautiful places.

a few lizards on the island

by the time I finished with Pulau Sapi, the weather was still nice, but ominous clouds ahead told us it would rain later, my boat driver, mr phong, advised me to change my plans to go to Pulau Gayang instead of Manukan, so I did. There, I jumped straight from the pier instead of spending time on the beaches, as it was getting late anyway. this particular area had more cloudy water..probably because of the rain, but coral reefs were still visible if you look around
my next aim was to find rarer, more beautiful objects..one of them was the starfish, which is blue in this area...

as you can see I did find it..at the last few minutes before they called me. I hope I didnt step on it as immediately after that I sucked in more seawater, did that weird flailing dance again, and furiously had to kick myself above water..probably out of excitement. It was about 2-3 metres deep, but deadly enough.

another of my aims was to attempt snorkeling without a life jacket, and taking a picture like this one. It wasnt without costs..as I was actually having a hard time not to get drowned alone in the middle of nowhere without a life jacket. if you noticed...I was wide-eyed in every pic..that's because I definitely was scared. Immediately after this picture I did that suck water-dance-flail-flail routine (this time holding the life jacket for dear life at the end), and my right leg cramped.. I did consider asking for help, but I dont think they would take it seriously..it was about 2m deep.

finally I went back, sent the camera to be processed at suria mall, and had cheesecake and a chocolate milkshake in Secret Recipe, reading that David Eddings book The Elenium II: The Ruby Knight

tuaran footie

2011-02-17T22:03:00.004+08:00

The verdict? I'm as fit as a 60-year old pensioner. No, wait - that's an exaggeration...they're about twice as fit as me

I havent actually played any football for about 2-3 years now.

Yes I s*** at football, everyone who knows me well enough knows that, that's also one of the many common things I and Zam have- we dont dig football as much as the other guys in our batch. Being not obsessed with football makes people closer, if everyone else around them were footie obsessed freaks ( the freakiest would be ete and sarchit, in their own freaky ways) and it was nice to know the world wasnt insane again and we could laugh together (very important point here- not alone ) at the others' conversations' sudden seriousness as they delve deeper into that world where somehow kicking a ball into a large net the size of a house wall within 90 minutes makes you a titanic, invincible hero for millions, and those stylish quotes like

Form is temporary, class is permanent

- Sarchit

and

Impossible is Nothing

- Ete

Well, those 2 quotes could be from somewhere else or on a wall in MANGO or a Brazilian neighbourhood (do they understand English there? I dont know, I was dumbstruck each time I see their unbelievable videos, so I didnt hear anything they said)
but I could have sworn I first heard it from the mouths of those 2 lovable ~~idiots~~ ~~clown~~s geniuses

some of my teammates.

About the game, it was my second time, and the team were very supportive. I lasted about 5 minutes the first time I went in..yes, that's laughable. A girl would have been picked instead of me in more competitive arenas.
But either because I was their boss, or they were genuinely pleased to have a new team member, but I was in, and will probably play again insyaAllah. The teams were made up of all medical staffs from the cleaners, drivers, clerks, MAs, practical students etc, and the other teams were from Kesihatan offices or nearby Clinics. And yes, there were pensioners, who played 1 solid hour and passed me for a score many, many times.
I have exercised, sometimes regularly, but mostly it was a light jog, or simple stuff..none of that sprinting, double turning stuff, and I never played with people for 2 years now. And I am actually lazy, that's why I dont get cramps or injuries, I think I hate exerting myself too much

the arenas..the girls here are also medical staff...

planner planner

2011-02-13T22:01:00.001+08:00

"He who fails to plan, plans to fail" Zam
(I quote my friends because I'm currently lazy enough to ignore who actually said it)
Ive had a fascination with whiteboards ever since i could get my hands on them in Volgograd, and my SPM exams were filled with plans on folded up A4 papers...so I planned to plan every year, but either forgot or didnt have the time for it (when I started working).
I bought this whiteboard in Klang to replace the one I left in Volgograd. Somehow I never found a bigger board. Since finishing Housemanship in Klang (man I'm glad I could say that), I found more time, and coming to Sabah, I started filling up papers with daily, weekly and monthly plans. In January, this is the result...It's really fun, but the problem is, it's hard to clean up the board, the ink gets dry and I need to indicreetly take a few alcohol soaked cotton balls from the Emergency Department to clean this up..which I havent. So I looked for alternatives, and got a book planner from my dad and started the Google calendar on the right. It sure beats the long calls and events lists, and takes less time to edit too.
I wanted a board sized planner on paper (the one you can put on your desk) but couldnt find any in the stationary shops i searched, but this is good enough.. now to I'm planning to plan for that Kinabalu mountain climbing, water rafting, jungle trekking, masters and cpd...

burger awesomeness

2011-02-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

On a whim..

I'll worry about the clogged arteries later...
source: MASSIVEPWNAGE.COM

tuaran, sabah

2011-01-08T22:20:00.002+08:00

that is my current location

a small town, with a small hospital, we dont have wards/ot yet, but it's near enough to Queen Elizabeth hospital for a quick referral and transport
this is the type of town where street lights are non-existent, and road maintenance is occasionally done. I dont know why the lampposts are there, there are obviously no bulbs, but hey, maybe it's a nice decoration.
The people are nice, you get that laidback dreamy atmosphere where there is no rush to get anywhere, no hustle and bustle like in the major cities.
I found a good affordable house, but havent found any housemates yet. The house is fully furnished except for a tv, and a phone line. So there I was, alone, no tv, no internet. Virtually no connection to the outside world except for work. I thought I could live with that, but I was probably going insane already by the 3rd day.
thankfully a family visit and a broadband modem now helps me get my daily dose of that internet electromagnetic wave..it's slower, and my brains might get fried, but I'll chance it in favour of keeping my sanity
Oh yeah, I'm trying to make sense of my life again..reconnecting more with relatives and friends, looking for new companions on the net, for hobbies I might go for, making sense of where I'm going with my career.
I had a few months experience as an anaesthetist in HTAR before moving here, hopefully I can continue to be an anaesthetist later, as it felt great

touched by a chair

2011-01-04T00:46:00.008+08:00

more than meets the eye

it was one of those post call days, tired with the work hours, annoyed with the patients, angry at the rude people on the other side of the phone..i was walking along 1borneo the 1st time. It's not the fact that i found one of these chairs, they're quite common...but i keep finding these massage chairs in front of every escalators. Sabahans must really like this kind of things,so I thought, why not. It wasn't the first time,but was it me, or something was different with the chair?as usual those 2 balls("mechanical hands" if you like) will feel you up, and then start pounding softly for the 1,5 or 15 minutes duration. That wasn't so bad, until a certain point that one ball/hand went down and started pushing in the middle of my butt..what was that for?rectal stimulation?do i really need to be massaged at my butt hole?I wanted to sue for sexual harassment, but it would be a first against a machine, and I dont think Malaysia's ready for that kind of thing.
Overall, it was quite good..my tensed shoulders relaxed somewhat. So I put in another RM5, after dismissing any perverted thought you might think I have for doing that. Of course I tried to avoid that certain 'touch' I mentioned earlier, but it was pretty tricky. You get so relaxed and you never now when exactly it happens.
If I were to rate it, I'd give the service 4 perverted balls out of 5

Go kart go!

2010-03-04T02:10:00.004+08:00

Thanks to the guys from ortho for inviting
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

This is a test

2010-03-04T02:06:00.001+08:00

Mobile blogging anyone?
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Life as a labour room houseman

2010-02-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

Somehow the horrors of the previous housemen seem exaggerated. The night was fun with little tension, and thanks to an overdose of coffee, I messed around more than sleep/worked. Initially I did get a little confused, but take a breath and the nrp training kicks in. The mo on-call will be there most of the time anyway. The nurses are-as always, extremely helpful.

Like I said before, labour room rocks. Still, i've only done the night shift so far, and my night shifts are almost always free. And now it's even better as I'm provided with my own room.

What do I do as the paediatric houseman on standby?

Obviously we are on standby round the clock for resuscitation of any and all deliveries. Babies with high risks/probability of needing resuscitation are singled out and attended to by the mo on call and extra personnel if needed i.e. the houseman.

Some cases at risk of needing resuscitation include a gestation of less than 35w,>

To be on standby you need to have successfully completed the newborn resuscitation programme (NRP) and at least a month's experience at the neonatal ward or NICU or both.

It's scary but that's what makes it exciting. The labour room is always like that. Like the job itself, you'll either like it or hate it.

assessment

2010-01-12T03:09:00.003+08:00

well, my assessment was finally over..i didnt really study but experience in the dept was enough i guess..although i did lose sleep, my ex-roomates would vouch for how i could spent sleepless nights worrying but still manage to NOT study..any basic knowledge they asked was easily answered..hopefully my fourth assessment has proven the credibility of me and my university once again..really the only person i need approval from is myself...i could care less about any ignorant jerks who still doubts the fact that i am a certified and capable doctor if they died in their ignorant bliss. First posters will do dumb things, no matter how 'prestigious' a university they come from. I know I'm being a little biased..there are really people who IMO reallly need to buck up, mentally, knowledge-wise, and rationally. They might get extended, and maybe they deserve it. Some things are actually too basic not to know...unless you've been enjoying yourself too much after spm..even though I still think you forget a lot of the stuff you try to cram in during those long med student years...

After medical, I had always acknowledged the possibility of being extended as long as I am labelled as a HO, no matter how hard I try. Although I still thought the extension in my first posting was one biased, unjustified decision that will leave a scar in me that seems to never heal. Another guy I know got extended in medical for the simplest and probably a stupid reason - he was accused of taking another patient's blood sample for a blood transfusion and mislabelling it with another patient's blood. A serious offence if it was true, but did they really check? because he adamantly denies it, and they kept him another 2 months for a mistake that he might have made..come on, in O+G I was faced with the same situation, a patient's blood group came up as B+ when in 2007 it was A+...I personally went with the blood MO to check the patient's blood group, and I was in the right all along. A dumb HO in 2007 who probably is a happy MO somewhere, oblivious to what he did, was in the wrong, and we have no idea who it was.

Some new guys are just annoying, telling me stuff I already know, to do things I already did, correcting mistakes I never did, and even telling the MOs about it..when I did my job correctly in the first place. This was 2 months ago, and I'm good with them now, as we got along later and they understood how I work,and how to work in itself..i dont blame them anyway, they started their job with some people who really liked to fire up the littlest mistakes into something big for the bosses to see, so they could look good.
personally i hate people who kiss ass too much..they are just big sissies who think they are better because they can find little mistakes other people make, and cover their own mistakes nicely. of course, i dont really go on an all-out war with them, unless they make me look bad, which occassionally do happen.most of the time I've had a good work relationship with almost everyone I met

So did some superiors, who initially were somewhat hostile, but later trusted this houseman..winning these little battles are actually pretty rewarding in itself..

holiday-ing

2009-12-28T19:02:00.002+08:00

Day 3 of holiday, i came back from kampung with my family for a cousin's wedding, and am currently in bangi...
tomorrow should be going to penang to see the chaps up yonder.

I'm the coolest person on earth (if I'm the only one there)

2009-12-16T23:01:00.003+08:00

it's time for my 'newest insecurities' post..
If anyone ever bothers reading this crap, they'll notice some personal issues being broadcast out into the light...all intentional i assure you, however direct or poorly expressed they were, it was part of the blog that i thought should be there, to remind myself that i'm not here to show off or anything, and i dont really care if anyone reads this or not, and I'm confident enough to tell about myself that way and not feel like a self concious idiot, or some crazy dude people would shun. But I've always believed that we should live by a conscience through which we define ourselves, in every situation and changes we encounter, certain credos just above the tabula rasa from which we evolved into the adults we are. This just sounds deep but is actually getting crappier the more I try to explain.
insecurity no 1)
my 4th posting, but I'm still scared about my assessment in a few days..I guess it never gets easier, especially when the threat of consequences after a failure is real
2) I'm suddenly feeling pretty lost, like I dont really know myself anymore
3) I havent let go of some things I should have, and I feel that I have yet to accomplish anything in my life

positive consequences:
by acknowledging my weaknesses, I will try to get rid of them, and I now have a goal I can materialize and strive for

I might actually seriously study for the assessment if i get scared enough
the "need to accomplish" might make me do stuff other than work, read stuff, read manga, and stare at the computer screen for hours before dozing off
i dont know much about losing my "selfness" ...maybe it's just a transient feeling.maybe i should get a pet or a girlfriend or something, but I like my privacy, free time (albeit limited) and self-indulgement days right now

my latest pic

2009-12-15T21:36:00.004+08:00

i was minding my own business, making insensible comments on facebook, when it became blurry...
and poof!

sebab komen dalam facebook, kene sumpah jadi gardenia?

Down's

2009-12-10T01:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the best moments in your working day, where you learn the most, is at the end of it...well, at least that’s my reason for going back a bit late today although I was post call.

My friend doing newborn screening downstairs kept passing up babies with hypoglycaemia to the neonatal ward ( I changed wards about 2 ½ weeks ago). Being the kind to do so, he went up to check up on the babies he admitted, I was just about to go home when i saw him. Another friend was clerking a new case. While casually looking at the baby, the friend from downstairs suddenly commented – hey, doesnt that look like a Down’s baby? – no way, but hey there are single transverse palmar creases on both hands. We searched around a bit and found a bit more – low set ears, upward slanting of eyebrows, flat nasal bridge, sandal gap deformities bilaterally..

We called the MO who had also seen the baby for hypoglycaemia. Initially sceptic, he finally concurred with our findings. The more we looked, the more signs we saw.. the flat facial profile, incurved fifth finger etc. Fortunately the tone was normal, and no murmurs can be heard, yet. We decided to document our findings but not diagnose the baby yet.

Then we called our ward specialist, who had also seen the case and was ready to go home. Surprise, surprise, her opinion echoed ours and she ordered for chromosomal studies, an echo, and to counsel the parents on the possible diagnosis and prognosis. Unexpectedly, the baby had passed through 4 doctors of different levels, but everyone was more concerned on the hypoglycaemia, which was the most urgent matter anyway, but it was the one who initially admitted the baby who noticed first. It's pretty exciting when you find something your superiors missed, isn't it.

Since all was well, my friend from downstairs continued on his was to find his baby, only to come back since the one we were examining all this while was the baby he was looking for!

Even the best can miss a thing or two sometimes..hehe

*a few days back, the same specialist told us that if we did learn anything from our stay in the neonatal ward, she wants us to at least be able to diagnose a Down's Syndrome baby

where should I go?

2009-11-26T18:25:00.003+08:00

InsyaAllah, my housemanship will end some day, and i'll keep my spirits up till then.
My senior, kak sal, is actually an mo in my kampung's hospital, it was pretty cool since i heard my relatives talk about this dr salina, then i found out about it a few months ago when i chatted with her on facebook.
Tomorrow i'll be going to pahang again with my siblings for aidiladha with our extended family (i have a few days off)
long term plans seem to bug me these past few weeks, starting my fourth posting made me think again about what i want to do when i finish my housemanship...
What would you guys think? So far i've gone through medical, o+g, and ortho..
I thought medical was not meant for me for a certain personal reason, but the past few weeks working in the general paediatrics wards, and a question by my specialist about what i wanted to do made me realise my curiousity of how things work, and joy in getting to the diagnosis might be suited for a ward like in the medical department. Also an mo i know (who i think initially hated me) also asked the same question, and when i asked him whether the dept itself would accept me, he said why not?, i guess i'm as eligible as the next houseman in the hospital at least.
So far paediatrics is great too, the workload (for housemen now, at least) is a lot lesser than our medical wards, the kids are cute, and i might have a certain affinity to them, and most of the discharges are all smiles and happy faces..of course, this is not always the case with the nicu and phdu...
O+g has a strict dept policy, not unlike peads, probably due to the medicolegal issues, but again, here, almost all cases are just normal happy people having a baby or two. The workload is a bit tough, but i might like that, just like the labour room, where the adrenaline rush makes you like it or hate it.and i'm not hating it. Again i'm not denying the general medicine department also has this rush.
I always thought I wanted to end up in a surgical area of expertise, as you can get to do something with your hands, and I like the OT environment since the first day I set foot on that tiled floor during my medical student years – again , I think it’s the adrenaline rush – the things that make you or break you. And probably coz it sounds cool... I bet a lot of you can say the same thing right?

I even asked around the Mos’ opinion if I could actually join orthopaedics. They gave the same answers, they find nothing that seems to stop me from asking the HOD to put my name there if I’m really interested. In the end I still didn’t ask the HOD..

There was a time when I got really interested in anaesthesia. At that time I spent a lot of time in the OT. I would talk with the anaesth MO or specialist, and got to see what their job was like, from getting the consent to managing the patients at the recovery bay. They even taught me how to intubate a few times, correcting my techniques, a specialist also encouraged me to join when i finish my housemanship, as they were short.

Another option is A & E. There are no calls, which means you can be at peak performance throughout your shifts, and the diagnosis there is really a challenge. Also, you will be the first to meet the acute presentations.I heard a lot of stuff about the A+E in Malaysia, but my friend is an MO there, and it’s the individual who makes all the difference.

In the meantime, I’ll just enjoy my Housemanship while it lasts, there are risks, the calls are as bad as you think it is, and you have to work 7 days a week. But who says being an MO solves everything? Your responsibilities are higher, you are expected to know more, your workload (currently) is actually more, and your calls are worse. Also, I wont have a good reason not to worry about my career as I’m not still stuck doing my housemanship. At least an MO’s working hours are less and you get weekends and public holidays off. I guess it’s just the job, being a doctor and all..

me assisting an amputation in my student years

It's a BOY!!

2009-11-16T03:26:00.004+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS HAZIMI AND HANISAH
on the newest addition to your family,
Umar Al Fatih, welcome to this world

I should have posted this earlier
he's already about 1 month plus now, hehe

there are a lot of pictures of their baby in their facebook profile, go see for yourself if you know them

kids

2009-11-16T02:06:00.010+08:00

I HAVE NO WORKING CAMERA WITH ME, AND MEDICOLEGAL & BIOETHICAL ISSUES WONT LET ME POST WARD PICS ANYWAY, SO THE FOLLOWING PICS ARE FROM 2006
WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF THERE WERE PICS OF UMAR AL FATIH THOUGH...SAM5 PLEASE UPLOAD SOME ONTO FACEBOOK!

I've been working in the general ward of paediatrics for a few weeks now, but truth is, i've always been a little scared of working with kids. They look up to you, and will learn everything from you, actually the part i'm worried about is hurting them in the course of treating them.
I'm starting to hate poking kids with needles, but it's part of the job. And it wont help if I just run away from doing it, for me and the patients.

Anyway, I get the feeling I can understand them a bit better, since they are, like most people, creatures of habits and patterns which can be deciphered if closely observed, and in fact it is easier as they are more straightforward. Plus they’re cute, which most people, including me, have a weakness to. Like Superman and kryptonite weakness.

Still, it scares me...how should we act in front of them? I can act cool and all, and I've been practicing some really lame daddy jokes. quotes, and magic tricks (believe me, it's as lame as it can get) but that lasts about 5-10 minutes, although that’s pretty much ok given the average attention span of a toddler, but later on it gets weird, and their quizzed looks as they look at me probably mirrors my perplexion as how to respond to them, as they really really really are responsive to our littlest body languages, something some adults lose.
Anyway, yesterday was another mini-reunion with me, usen, sam5, ete, and jimi and family..we had a great time just hanging out and went with bear’s idea of eating at an arabian restaurant eventhough the mastermind himself couldn’t manage to come. (Too bad we’ve tried so many times for a reunion, but so far we could only have part of the gang to attend..in fact, I haven’t seen the female counterparts of the gang showing up everytime we met – aren’t farah, kham, suraya, also in hkl?)

Jimi’s son is so cute..I’ll repeat myself umar’s got his father’s nose and i agree with ete, he does look a bit chinese..not that it matters much..hehe.coincidentally, all present already went through the peads rotation, and the author himself is in the peads dept, so yeah, alhamdulillah, he’s one healthy baby boy.

Hmm I did a little typing and clicked that google button..and got this from the internet on how the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) communicated with kids...the link’s here but click read more if you want a copy-paste version on my blog’s post – the article’s awesome, not just because I said so, but because it’s made into a scientific research paper, with a proper introduction, methods sections et cetera, and the contemporary references, and a reference section (which imo is the most important part, so others can see the source of the compiled information. Otherwise, it’s still something from the internet, where most information reliability are poor. Otherwise get a good book, with a more reliable source, or maybe a good reliable hadith book and search for the ones about kids

Actually this article is, like most scientific articles, a bit long, so I just read my favorite parts – eg the bold fonts, the hadiths, I didnt really read anything beyond the examples of children , and I kinda know the methods listed a bit..
I’d better get back to sorting out my overdue call claims, and really should get some sleep before tomorrow comes

Prophet Muhammad Pattern of Communication towards Children
By: Ali Zohery

Introduction:
According to a companion of the prophet, he had never come across a person who was more affectionate towards children than the prophet. Collections of Traditions contain chapters on his affection for children. They reveal his amazing sympathy with the child mind and method for their informal training in daily life, which persuaded the children to cooperate in a joyous enthusiasm for their training and education.
This research addresses “the theory of learning through interaction with the environment that involves reciprocal causation of behavior, personal factors, and environmental events.” The focus is on the children as they were treated by the prophet Muhammad.

Research Questions

How did the Prophet Muhammad communicate toward the children during his time?

What was the impact of the Prophet’s way on the following generations of children?

Methodology

Content analysis is the method of data collection for this research: “ Prophet Muhammad style of Communication toward children.” This methodology is an approach to qualitative and quantitative research that is used to identify specific characteristics in textual messages (Morris R., 1994). The textual messages in this research are the speeches and conversations that the prophet had regarding children. In addition, his orations or sermons that he delivered to address the mankind in general.
During the twenty-three years of the prophethood of Muhammad, there were many of the speeches, orations or sermons that Prophet Muhammad communicated through to deliver his message to people. The message of Islam was not only for the people of the Arabia, but also was intended to be universal.

Contents analysis looks at the characteristics of communication messages, their contents and the producers of these messages ( Rubin, R.B., Rubin, A.M. & Piele, L.J. 1996). The study is analyzing some of the speeches and events through which the prophet communicated messages related to children’s bringing and education.

The unit of analysis of this study is the Prophet Muhammad’s individual speeches. Codes such as dates, events, locations and circumstances. Using the content analysis, as a method to collect the data requires defining the categories involved in the research study. The definition of the categories will help to clarify the coding scheme and that will lead to the reliability of the research. (Hamza, M. J., May 1997)

The researcher is investigating the effects that the Communication Pattern of the prophet had on children. This will shed the light on the communication techniques and strategies that the prophet used to attract children to learn about Islam and to become good and productive individuals in the society.

Literature Review:

According to the prophet’s guidance, listed below are some of the ways of instilling strength and honor in children’s character:
Taking them to gatherings and letting them sit with grown-ups (row models).(blog author's not: role models?)
This will increase their understanding and wisdom, and make them try to imitate adults. The followers of the prophet used to bring their children with them when they went and sat with the Prophet. One of the stories that describe this was narrated by Mu’aawiyah ibn Qurrah from his father, who said: "The Prophet used to sit with a group of his Companions. One man had his little son with him; the prophet would bring the child from behind and make him sit in front of him…"

Teaching them good manners
Among the manners that should be taught are those described in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah from the Prophet: "The young should greet the old, the passerby should greet one who is sitting, and the small group should greet the larger group." (Al-Bukhaari, 5736).
Giving them the praise and respect they deserve in front of others
This is made clear by the following hadeeth: Sahl ibn Sa’d said that the Prophet was brought a cup and he drank from it. There was a boy, the youngest of all the people, on his right and some elders on his left. He said, "O young boy, will you allow me to give this to these elders?" The boy said, "I will not give away my share of your blessings to anyone, O Messenger of Allaah," so he gave the cup to him. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2180)
Teaching them sports
Avoiding humiliating them, especially in front of others
Never belittling their ideas, and encouraging them to take part

Consulting them and asking for their opinions

Giving them responsibilities in accordance with their age and abilities

Teaching them to be brave as appropriate – including how to speak in public

Making sure their clothes are modest and protecting them from inappropriate clothing, hairstyles, movements and ways of walking

Avoiding extravagance, luxury, laziness and idleness

‘Umar said: "Get used to a rough life, for luxury does not last forever."
Avoiding wastes of time, because these go against strength, honor and seriousness
These are some of the ways and means which will increase strength and honor, and protect children.

Teach them the Qur’aan and the correct sayings of the prophet, and the good manners of Islam, such as honoring one’s parents, upholding ties of kinship, honesty, trustworthiness, etc. Make sure that they regularly pray in a group. Also teach them the Islamic etiquette of eating, drinking, speaking, etc. If they grow up with these good manners, they will be guided and will remain steadfast, by the permission of Allaah, and they will grow up in a good way that will benefit them and their nation. (From Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 12/261-262)

Allaah has enjoined upon children to honor and respect their parents. He has made the parents’ rights very great and has connected duties towards to parents to duties towards Him and the obligation to worship Him alone. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:36] And Allaah has given the children rights over their parents, such as education and a good upbringing, spending on their needs, and treating them fairly.
One of the bad social phenomena that are to be found in some families is the lack of fair treatment towards the children. Some fathers and mothers deliberately give gifts to some of their children and not others. According to the correct view, this is unjust action, unless there is some justification for it, such as one child having a need that the others do not have, e.g., sickness; debt; a reward for memorizing the Qur’aan; not being able to find work; having a large family; full-time studies, etc. The parent should have the intention – when giving something to one of his children for a legitimate reason – that he will do the same of any of his other children should the need arise. The general evidence for this is the verse from Quran (interpretation of the meaning):

“Be just: that is nearer to piety; and fear Allaah.” [al-Maa’idah 5:8].

The specific evidence is the saying of the prophet narrated from al-Nu’maan ibn Basheer, who said that his father brought him to the Messenger of Allaah and said: “I have given this son of mine a slave that I had.” The Messenger of Allaah said: “Have you given something similar to all of your children?” He said, “No.” So the Messenger of Allaah said: “Then take (the slave) back.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari; see al-Fath, 5/211). According to another report, the Messenger of Allaah said: “Fear Allaah and be fair to your children.” He said: so he came back and took his gift back. (al-Fath, 5/211). According to another report, “Do not ask me to bear witness to this, for I will not bear witness to injustice.” (Saheeh Muslim, 3/1243).

Undoubtedly some children are better than others; this is well known. But the father has no right to show favouritism because of that. On the contrary, he has to treat them all fairly because the Prophet said: “Fear Allaah and treat your children equally.” So it is not permissible for him to prefer one child over another because he is better or honors his parents more. He has to treat them all equally and be sincere towards all of them, so that they will all be steadfast in honoring their parents and in obeying Allaah and His Messenger. He should not favor some over others in gift-giving, or bequeath wealth to some of them and not others. All of them should be equal in inheritance and in gift-giving, according to what is prescribed in the Islamic law concerning inheritance and gift-giving. If they are wise and tolerant, and they say, Give our brother such-and-such, and they clearly do not mind, and they say, We don’t mind if you give him a car or whatever… and this is clearly done freely and not because they are too shy or are afraid of him, then that is OK.
The point is that they must be treated fairly. But if they are wise, whether they are male or female, if they have no objection to one of them being given something for special reasons, then that is OK and they have the right to do that.
(Majmoo’ Fataawaa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, vol. 9, p. 234)

Examples of children were brought up around the Prophet:

1. Fatima ( the daughter of the prophet)
Aishah. (the wife of the Prophet) said when the Prophet use to see his daughter (Fatima) approaching, he would welcome her, stand up and kiss her, take her by the hand and sit her down in the place where he was sitting." She would do the same when the Prophet came to her. She would stand up and welcome him with joy and kiss him.
Fatimah's fine manners and gentle speech were part of her lovely and endearing personality. She was especially kind to poor and indigent folk and would often give all the food she had to those in need even if she herself remained hungry. She inherited from her father a persuasive eloquence that was rooted in wisdom. When she spoke, people would often be moved to tears. She had the ability and the sincerity to stir the emotions, move people to tears and fill their hearts with praise and gratitude to God for His grace. (Internet, Alim on line)

2. Jafar ibn Abi Talib
Jafar ibn Abi Talib was a brother of Ali ibn Abi Talib, both were cousins of the prophet. Because of the mistreatment that the Muslims received from Quraish, Jafar asked the prophet if he and some other Muslims could emigrate to Abasynia. Its king was famous for being fair and just. Under the leadership of young Jafar the Muslims group arrived to Abasynia and the king granted them his protection. Quraysh did not let them stay without attempt to bring them back to Makka. Both groups, Quraish representatives and the Muslims were in front of the king to decide about the finial status of the Muslims. Jafar advanced and made a speech that was moving and eloquent and which is still one of the most compelling descriptions of Islam. the appeal of the noble Prophet and the condition of Makkan society at the time. He said: "O King, we were a people in a state of ignorance and immorality, worshipping idols and eating the flesh of dead animals, committing all sorts of abomination and shameful deeds. breaking the ties of kinship, treating guests badly and the strong among us exploited the weak. "We remained in this state until Allah sent us a Prophet, one of our own people whose lineage, truthfulness, trustworthiness and integrity were well-known to us. "He called us to worship Allah alone and to renounce the stones and the idols which we and our ancestors used to worship besides Allah.
"He commanded us to speak the truth, to honor our promises, to be kind to our relations, to be helpful to our neighbors, to cease all forbidden acts, to abstain from bloodshed. to avoid obscenities and false witness, not to appropriate an orphan's property nor slander chaste women. "He ordered us to worship Allah alone and not to associate anything with him, to uphold prayer (Salat), to give (help to poor) Zakat and fast in the month of Ramadan. "We believed in him and what he brought to us from Allah and we follow him in what he has asked us to do and we keep away from what he forbade us from doing.
"Thereupon, O King, our people attacked us, visited the severest punishment on us to make us renounce our religion and take us back to the old immorality and the worship of idols. "They oppressed us, made life intolerable for us and obstructed us from observing our religion. So we left for your country, choosing you before anyone else, desiring your protection and hoping to live in Justice and in peace among your midst."
The Negus was impressed and was eager to hear more. He asked Jafar: "Do you have with you something of what your Prophet brought concerning God?" "Yes," replied Jafar.
"Then read it to me," requested the Negus. Jafar, in his rich, melodious voice recited for him the first portion of Surah Maryam which deals with the story of Jesus and his mother Mary. On hearing the words of the Quran, the Negus was moved to tears. To the Muslims, he said: "The message of your Prophet and that of Jesus came from the same source..." To Amr and his companion, he said:" Go. For, by God, I will never surrender them to you." (internet, the companions of the prophet)

3. Abdullah ibn Abbas
Abdullah was the son of Abbas, an uncle of the noble Prophet. He was born just three years before the Hijrah. When the Prophet died, Abdullah was thus only thirteen years old.
When he was born, his mother took him to the blessed Prophet who put some of his saliva on the babe's tongue even before he began to suckle. This was the beginning of the close and intimate tie between Abdullah ibn Abbas and the Prophet that was to be part of a life-long love and devotion. When Abdullah reached the age of discretion, he attached himself to the service of the Prophet. He would run to fetch water for him when he wanted to make ablution (wudu). During prayer (Salat), he would stand behind the Prophet in prayer and when the Prophet went on journeys or expeditions, he would follow next in line to him. Abdullah thus became like the shadow of the Prophet, constantly in his company.
In all these situations he was attentive and alert to whatever the Prophet did and said. His heart was enthusiastic and his young mind was pure and uncluttered, committing the Prophet's words to memory with the capacity and accuracy of a recording instrument. In this way and through his constant researches later, as we shall see, Abdullah became one of the most learned companions of the Prophet, preserving on behalf of later generations of Muslims, the priceless words of the Messenger of God. It is said that he committed to memory about one thousand, six hundred and sixty sayings of the Prophet which are recorded and authenticated in the collections of al-Bukhari and Muslim.
The Prophet would often draw Abdullah as a child close to him, pat him on the shoulder and pray: "O Lord, make him acquire a deep understanding of the religion of Islam and instruct him in the meaning and interpretation of things."

There were many occasions thereafter when the blessed Prophet would repeat this dua or prayer for his cousin and before long Abdullah ibn Abbas realized that his life was to be devoted to the pursuit of learning and knowledge.

The Prophet moreover prayed that he be granted not just knowledge and understanding but wisdom. Abdullah related the following incident about himself: "Once the Prophet, peace be upon him, was on the point of performing ablution (wudu). I hurried to get water ready for him. He was pleased with what I was doing. As he was about to begin prayer (Salat), he indicated that I should stand at his side. However, I stood behind him. When the prayer (Salat) was finished, he turned to me and said: 'What prevented you from being at my side, O Abdullah?' 'You are too illustrious and too great in my eyes for me to stand side by side with you,' I replied. Raising his hands to the heavens, the Prophet then prayed: 'O Lord, grant him wisdom." The Prophet's prayer undoubtedly was granted for the young Abdullah was to prove time and again that he possessed a wisdom beyond his years. But it was a wisdom that came only with devotion and the dogged pursuit of knowledge both during the Prophet's lifetime and after his death.
During the lifetime of the Prophet, Abdullah would not miss any of his assemblies and he would commit to memory whatever he said. After the Prophet passed away, he would take care to go to as many companions as possible especially those who knew the Prophet longer and learn from them what the Prophet had taught them. Whenever he heard that someone knew a hadith of the Prophet which he did not know he would go quickly to him and record it. He would subject whatever he heard to close scrutiny and check it against other reports. He would go to as many as thirty companions to verify a single matter.
Abdullah described what he once did on hearing that a companion of the Prophet knew a hadith unknown to him: "I went to him during the time of the afternoon siesta and spread my cloak in front of his door. The wind blew dust on me (as I sat waiting for him). If I wished I could have sought his permission to enter and he would certainly have given me permission. But I preferred to wait on him so that he could be completely refreshed. Coming out of his house and seeing me in that condition he said: 'O cousin of the Prophet! What's the matter with you? If you had sent for me I would have come to you.' 'I am the one who should come to you, for knowledge is sought, it does not just come,' I said. I asked him about the saying of the prophet (hadith) and learnt from him."
In this way, the dedicated Abdullah would ask, and ask, and go on asking. And he would sift and scrutinize the information he had collected with his keen and meticulous mind.
It was not only in the collection of hadith that Abdullah specialized. He devoted himself to acquiring knowledge in a wide variety of fields. He had a special admiration for persons like Zayd ibn Thabit, the recorder of the revelation, the leading judge and jurist consult in Madinah, an expert in the laws of inheritance and in reading the Quran. When Zayd intended to go on a trip, the young Abdullah would stand humbly at his side and taking hold of the reins of his mount would adopt the attitude of a humble servant in the presence of his master. Zayd would say to him: "Don't, O cousin of the Prophet."
"Thus we were commanded to treat the learned ones among us," Abdullah would say. "And Zayd would say to him in turn: "Let me see your hand." Abdullah would stretch out his hand. Zayd, taking it, would kiss it and say: "Thus we were commanded to treat the family (ahl al-bayt) members of the household of the Prophet."
As Abdullah's knowledge grew, he grew in stature. Masruq ibn al Ajda said of him: "Whenever I saw Ibn Abbas, I would say: He is the most handsome of men. When he spoke, I would say: He is the most eloquent of men. And when he held a conversation, I would say: He is the most knowledgeable of men." ( internet, Compoinians of the Prophet)

4. Abdullah ibn Umar:
From an early age, Abdullah ibn Umar thus demonstrated his keenness to be associated with the Prophet in all his undertakings. He had accepted Islam before he was ten years old and had made the Hijrah with his father and his sister, Hafsah, who was later to become a wife of the Prophet. Before Uhud he was also turned away from the Battle of Badr and it was not until the Battle of the Ditch the he and Usamah, both now fifteen years old and others of their age were allowed to join the ranks of the men not only for the digging of the trench but for the battle when it came.
From the time of his hijrah till the time of his death more than seventy years later, Abdullah ibn Umar distinguished himself in the service of Islam and was regarded among Muslims as "the Good One, son of the Good One", according to Abu Musa al-Ashari. H e was known for his knowledge, his humility, his generosity, his piety, his truthfulness, his incorruptibility and his constancy in acts of worshiping Allah (ibadah).
From his great and illustrious father, Umar, he learnt a great deal and both he and his father had the benefit of learning from the greatest teacher of all, Muhammad the Messenger of God. Abdullah would observe and scrutinize closely every saying and act ion of the Prophet in various situations and he would practice what he observed closely and with devotion. For example, if Abdullah saw the Prophet performing Salat in a particular place, he would later pray in the same place. If he saw the Prophet making a supplication while standing, he would also make a supplication (dua) while standing. If he saw him making a dua while sitting, he would do the same. On a journey if he saw the Prophet descend from his camel at a particular place and pray two rakats, and he had
occasion to pass on the same route, he would stop at the same place and pray two rakats. In a particular place in Makkah, he once observed the Prophet's camel making two complete turns before he dismounted and prayed two rakats. It might be that the camel did that involuntarily but Abdullah ibn Umar when he happened to be in the same place at another time, made his camel complete two turns before making it kneel and dismounting. He then prayed two rakats in precisely the same manner as he had seen the Prophet do.
Aishah, (the wife of the Prophet) noticed this devotion of Abdullah to the Prophet and remarked: "There was no one who followed the footsteps of the Prophet, in the places where he alighted as did Ibn Umar." (internet, Compinions of the Prophet)

Theoretical framework:

How Do Children Learn?

In Islam there are several kinds of methods to educate children, some of which are: Observational learning (modeling and imitation); learning from advice; learning by way of orientation, which includes knowledge acquired from recreational and leisurely activities and parables; learning by doing and repetition; and learning through reward and punishment. ((Khouj, Education in Islam, 1987)

A. Bandura and Observational Learning
Some psychological theories emphasize that humans learn by observing and imitating others. Theorists such as Bandura, Twain, and skinner have discussed observational learning in their works. Bandura (1961) theorized that children learn morality from imitating and observing the behavior of others. In general, role models can be either good or bad examples of human behavior, depending on the particular orientation of the role model. In this way, role models in Islam must exhibit good behavior, which comes from an integrated and balanced personality. (Khouj, Education in Islam, 1987)

Observational learning, also called social learning theory, occurs when an observer's behavior changes after viewing the behavior of a model. In this study, the two elements of the theory are Prophet Muhammad as the model and the followers of the prophet as the observers. An observer's behavior can be affected by the positive or negative consequences--called vicarious reinforcement or vicarious punishment-- of a model's behavior. In this case, only positive consequences were the results of the observation process between the followers and the Prophet. The social learning theory of Bandura emphasizes the importance of observing and modeling the behaviors, attitudes, and emotional reactions of others. Bandura (1977) states: "Learning would be exceedingly laborious, not to mention hazardous, if people had to rely solely on the effects of their own actions to inform them what to do. Fortunately, most human behavior is learned observationally through modeling: from observing others one forms an idea of how new behaviors are performed, and on later occasions this coded information serves as a guide for action.". Social learning theory explains human behavior in terms of continuous reciprocal interaction between cognitive, behavioral, an environmental influences. The component processes underlying observational learning are: (1) Attention, including modeled events and observer characteristics, (2) Retention, including symbolic coding, cognitive organization, symbolic rehearsal, motor rehearsal), (3) Motor Reproduction, including physical capabilities, self-observation of reproduction, accuracy of feedback, and (4) Motivation, including external, vicarious and self reinforcement.
Because it encompasses attention, memory and motivation, social learning theory spans both cognitive and behavioral frameworks. Bandura's theory improves upon the strictly behavioral interpretation of modeling provided by Miller & Dollard (1941).
Social learning theory has been applied extensively to the understanding of aggression (Bandura, 1973) and psychological disorders, particularly in the context of behavior modification (Bandura, 1969). It is also the theoretical foundation for the technique of behavior modeling, which is widely used, in training programs. In recent years, Bandura has focused his work on the concept of self-efficacy in a variety of contexts (e.g., Bandura, 1993).

Principles:
1. The highest level of observational learning is achieved by first organizing and rehearsing the modeled behavior symbolically and then enacting it overtly. Coding modeled behavior into words (statements of the Prophet Muhammad) labels or images results in better retention than simply observing.
2. Individuals are more likely to adopt a modeled behavior if it results in outcomes they value.
3. Individuals are more likely to adopt a modeled behavior if the model is similar to the observer and has admired status and the behavior has functional value.

There are several guiding principles behind observational learning, or social learning theory:
1. The observer will imitate the model's behavior if the model possesses characteristics-- things such as talent, intelligence, power, good looks, or popularity--that the observer finds attractive or desirable. That was the case between the children and the Prophet Muhammad.
2. The observer will react to the way the model is treated and mimic the model's behavior. When the model's behavior is rewarded, the observer is more likely to reproduce the rewarded behavior. When the model is punished, an example of vicarious punishment, the observer is less likely to reproduce the same behavior.
3. A distinction exists between an observer's "acquiring" a behavior and "performing" a behavior. Through observation, the observer can acquire the behavior without performing it. The observer may then later, in situations where there is an incentive to do so, display the behavior. The Muslims children were trying to imitate the prophet in his behaviors.
4. Learning by observation involves four separate processes: attention, retention, production and motivation.
• Attention: Observers cannot learn unless they pay attention to what's happening around them. This process is influenced by characteristics of the model, such as how much one likes or identifies with the model, and by characteristics of the observer, such as the observer's expectations or level of emotional arousal. Every word or action of the Prophet was recorded because of the extreme attention of the followers.
• Retention: Observers must not only recognize the observed behavior but also remember it at some later time. This process depends on the observer's ability to code or structure the information in an easily remembered form or to mentally or physically rehearse the model's actions. The Holy Qur’an and the statements of the prophet were retained and remembered. There are now 1.2 billion Muslims on the earth.
• Production: Observers must be physically and/intellectually capable of producing the act. In many cases, the observer possesses the necessary responses. However, sometimes, reproducing the model's actions may involve skills the observer has not yet acquired. Because of the effort of the followers of the prophet, the message of Islam spread around the world.
• Motivation: In general, observers will perform the act only if they have some motivation or reason to do so. The presence of reinforcement or punishment, either to the model or directly to the observer, becomes most important in this process.
5. Attention and retention account for acquisition or learning of a model's behavior; production and motivation control the performance.
6. Human development reflects the complex interaction of the person, the person's behavior, and the environment. The relationship between these elements is called reciprocal determinism. (www.funderstanding.com)

B. Vygotsky and Social Cognition
The social cognition learning model asserts that culture is the prime determinant of individual development. Humans are the only species to have created culture, and every human child develops in the context of a culture. Therefore, a child's learning development is affected in ways large and small by the culture--including the culture of family environment--in which he or she is enmeshed.
1. Culture makes two sorts of contributions to a child's intellectual development. First, through culture children acquire much of the content of their thinking, that is, their knowledge. Second, the surrounding culture provides a child with the processes or means of their thinking, what Vygotskians call the tools of intellectual adaptation. In short, according to the social cognition learning model, culture teaches children both what to think and how to think.
2. Cognitive development results from a dialectical process whereby a child learns through problem-solving experiences shared with someone else, usually a parent or teacher but sometimes a sibling or peer.
3. Initially, the person interacting with child assumes most of the responsibility for guiding the problem solving, but gradually this responsibility transfers to the child.
4. Language is a primary form of interaction through which adults transmit to the child the rich body of knowledge that exists in the culture.
5. As learning progresses, the child's own language comes to serve as her/his primary tool of intellectual adaptation. Eventually, children can use internal language to direct their own behavior.
6. Internalization refers to the process of learning--and thereby internalizing--a rich body of knowledge and tools of thought that first exist outside the child. This happens primarily through language.
7. A difference exists between what child can do on her/his own and what the child can do with help. Vygotskians call this difference the zone of proximal development.
8. Since much of what a child learns comes form the culture around her/his and much of the child's problem solving is mediated through an adult's help, it is wrong to focus on a child in isolation. Such focus does not reveal the processes by which children acquire new skills.
9. Interactions with surrounding culture and social agents, such as parents and more competent peers, contribute significantly to a child's intellectual development.

How Vygotsky Impacts Learning:
Curriculum--Since children learn much through interaction, curricula should be designed to emphasize interaction between learners and learning tasks.
Instruction--With appropriate adult help, children can often perform tasks that they are incapable of completing on their own. With this in mind, scaffolding--where the adult continually adjusts the level of his or her help in response to the child's level of performance--is an effective form of teaching. Scaffolding not only produces immediate results, but also instills the skills necessary for independent problem solving in the future.
Assessment--Assessment methods must take into account the zone of proximal development. What children can do on their own is their level of actual development and what they can do with help is their level of potential development. Two children might have the same level of actual development, but given the appropriate help from an adult, one might be able to solve many more problems than the other. Assessment methods must target both the level of actual development and the level of potential development. (see references related to Vygotsky Theory of Learning)

Definitions of major terms and concepts

1. Ali: Muhammad’s cousin, one of his first followers and the 4th Muslim caliph. Married to Muhammad’s daughter, Fatima.
2. Hadith: the statements of the Prophet Muhammad.
3. Hajj: The Pilgrimage to Mecca. Hajj or Hajji, one who has completed the pilgrimage.
4. Hijrah: Muhammad’s flight from Mecca (AD 622), from which Muslim dates are calculated.
5. Islam: The faith revealed by the Prophet Muhammad
6. Kabah: The house of God at Mecca, toward which the Muslims from around the world face during their prayers.
7. Khadijah: First wife of the Prophet Muhammad, the founder of Islam.
8. Medina: The city that prophet Muhammad emigrated to from Mecca.
9. Mecca: The most holy city of Islam, Mecca is the birthplace of the prophet Muhammad.
10. Negus: King of Abyssinia (Ethuopia)
11. Sunnah: Deeds, actions, way of life and the statements of the Prophet.
12. Quraish: The tribe of Prophet Muhammad
Summary
Prophet Muhammad communication style toward children during his time produced educated and knowledgeable Muslims who spread the religion of Islam, not only within the Arabia but also outside to the north, south, east, west and southwest of the Arabia. His pattern of communication toward the children made them to love him, to learn his teachings and later to be great teachers themselves. They spread the teachings of the prophet to the following generations to come.

References:
1. Holly Qur’an
2. Akbar, M. U. (1991). The orations of Muhammad the Prophet of Islam. New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan.
3. Al – Hawfi, A. M. (1996). Portrait of Human Perfection: A description of the appearance and character of the Prophet Muhammad. London, Dar Al Taqwa Ltd
4. Bandura, A. (1993). Perceived self-efficacy in cognitive development and functioning. Educational Psychologist, 28(2), 117-148.
5. Bandura, A. (1986). Social Foundations of Thought and Action. Engelwood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
6. Bandura, A. (1973). Aggression: A Social Learning Analysis. Englewood CLiffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
7. Bandura, A. (1971). Social Learning Theory. New York: General Learning Press.
8. Bandura, A. (1969). Principles of Behavior Modification. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
9. Bandura, A. & Walters, R. (1963). Social Learning and Personality Development. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
10. Besant, A. (1932). The Life And Teachings Of Muhammad, Madras, P. 4.
11. Doolittle P.E. (1997). "Vygotsky's zone of proximal development as a theoretical foundation for cooperation learning", Journal on Excellence in College Teaching, 8 (1), 83-103.
12. Encyclopedia Britannica: (Vol. 12)
13. Faizi, S. F. H. (1997). Sermons of the prophet. New Delhi, Kitab Bhavan
Gandhi Mahatma, (Young India)
14. Gaury, G. (1991). Rulers of Mecca. NY: Dorset Press
15. Gibbon, E. And Ockley, S. (1870). History Of The Saracen Empires, London, P. 54)
16. Glubb, J. B. (1991). The life and Times of Muhammad. Chelsea, MI: Scarborough House.
17. Hamza M. J.( May 1997). Press Coverage of the New World Information Order in the U.S. and Tanzania, 1976-1985: A Comparative Study. ( A Ph.D. Dissertation Submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences)
18. Hart, M.H. (1978). The 100: A Ranking Of The Most Influential Persons In History, New York, P. 33
19. Haykal, M. H. (1976). The life of Muhammad. USA: American Trust Publications.
20. http://www.islam.org The Great Revolutionary Prophet,
21. http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA The Science of Hadith,
22. http://salafipublications.com Shaikh Saleh ibn Abdul-Azeez Aal-Sheikh, Seeking Knowledge and One's Intentions,
23. http://salafipublications.com Saeed bin Wahf al-Qahtani, Guidelines For Acquiring Knowledge,
24. http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA Islam, Knowledge, and Science
25. http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA Adhering to the Sunnah of the Prophet
26. http://www.funderstanding.com
27. Kayyali & Zohairi, Encyclopaedia of Politics, p.327 ) ( in Arabic)
28. Khouj, Education in Islam, 1987
29. Lamartine, (1854). Histoire De La Turquie, Paris, Vol. Ii, Pp 276-277)
30. Lane-Poole, S. (1994). The speeches & table-talk of the Prophet Muhammad. New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan.
31. Lings, M. (1983). Muhammad his life based on the earliest sources. Rochester, VT: Inner Traditions International, Ltd.
32. Naidu, S. (1918). Ideals Of Islam, Vide Speeches & Writings, Madras, P. 169
33. Nicholl, Trish An introduction to some of the basic concepts of Vygotskyean theory (culturally-mediated identity).
34. Peters, F E. (1994). Muhammad and the origins of Islam. Albany, NY: State University of New York Press.
35. Rauf. M. A. (1996). The life and the teaching of the prophet Muhammad. Alexandria, VA: Al-saadawi publications.
36. Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., & Piele, L. J. (1996). Communication research: Strategies and Sources(4th ed.)
37. Shah, S. I. A. ( 1996). Muhammed the Prophet. Reno, NV: Tractus Books.
38. Sharma, D.C. (1935). The Prophets Of The East, Calcutta, Pp. 12
39. Shaw, G. B. (1936). The Genuine Islam, Singapore, Vol. 1, No. 8
40. Siddiqui, A. H. (1991). Life of Muhammad. Chicago, IL: Library of Islam.
41. Smith, B. Muhammad And Muhammadanism, London, 1874, P. 92.
42. Vygotsky, L.S. (1962). Thought and language. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press. (Original work published 1934)
43. Vygotsky, L.S. (1978). Mind in Society: The development of higher psychological processes. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
44. Wertsch, James and Cole, Michael "The role of culture in Vygotskyean-informed psychology".

45. Zahur-ul-Haque, Muhammad the Greatest Leader, pp. 51-53

Выхожу один я на дорогу

2009-10-27T20:58:00.004+08:00

Выхожу один я на дорогу
Стихи: Михаил Юрьевич Лермонтов
Музыка: Елизавета Сергеевна Шашина

Выхожу один я на дорогу;
Сквозь туман кремнистый путь блестит;
Ночь тиха. Пустыня внемлет богу,
И звезда с звездою говорит.

В небесах торжественно и чудно!
Спит земля в сиянье голубом...
Что же мне так больно и так трудно?
Жду ль чего? Жалею ли о чем?

Уж не жду от жизни ничего я,
И не жаль мне прошлого ничуть;
Я ищу свободы и покоя!
Я б хотел забыться и заснуть!

Но не тем холодным сном могилы...
Я б желал навеки так заснуть,
Чтоб в груди дремали жизни силы,
Чтоб, дыша, вздымалась тихо грудь;

Чтоб всю ночь, весь день мой слух лелея,
Про любовь мне сладкий голос пел,
Надо мной чтоб, вечно зеленея,
Темный дуб склонялся и шумел.

mne nravitsa golos u shtokolova, a stikhi lermontova, tak skuchna, i krasivi

Alone, I go out onto the road (1841)
Poetry: Mikhail Lermontov
Music: Elizaveta Shashina

Alone, I go out onto the road;
The rocky way gleams through the fog;
The night is quiet. Nature listens to God,
And one star talks to another.

How solemn and wondrous is the sky!
The earth sleeps in a blue glow...
So why am I troubled? What weighs upon me?
What am I awaiting? Do I have regrets?

No, I expect nothing now from life,
And have no regrets at all;
I seek only freedom and repose!
To forget myself and sleep!

But not the cold sleep of the grave...
I'd like to sleep forever,
But for life to slumber on
In my softly heaving breast;

For love's sweet voice to sing
All day, all night, caressing my ear,
For the dark, ever green oak
To bend down to me and rustle.

too bad i'm an internet freebies leecher

Я Вас любил (ya vas lyubil)

2009-09-26T08:42:00.011+08:00

Я
Вас любил, любовь еще быть может
В душе моей угасла не совсем
Но пусть она вас больше не тревожит
Я не хочу печалить Вас ничем

Я Вас любил безмолвно, безнадежно
То робостью, то ревностью томим
Я Вас любил так искренно, так нежно
Как дай Вам бог любимым быть другим.

Романс "Я вас любил" нап стихи А. С, Пушкина

ya vas lubil;

lyubov isho, b'yt mozhet;

v dushe mayei ugasla ne sovsem;

no pust ona vas bol'she ne trevozhet;

ya ni khachu pechalit' vas nichem;;;

Ya vas lyubil;

to molnost'yu, to revnost'yu tomim;

ya vas lyubil, tak iskrenno, tak nezhno;

kak dai vam Bog lyubimoy byt' drugim

Pushkin wrote this for someone's wife..you'd be surprised how often this happens, and i'm surprised at how beautiful this poem really is

my favourite rendition of this poem here

a tormented soul's silent anguish bleeds silently, trading lost dignity with false pride, lost pride with shameless acts, finding comfort with indifference, knowing solace a utopia for even dreams, pitiful, yet does it deserve pity.drowning in sorrow, yet not wishing to be saved.let me be..let me bleed..

though a weak human that i am, i seek not redemption

o err'd have I, moronic my deeds were
to be human, to be me

25 years

2009-09-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

22 september 1984

it's been a beautiful life
although i made a lot of mistakes, sometimes repeatedly
the ups and downs..

goodbye ramadhan..

2009-09-20T23:31:00.005+08:00

the masjid in front of htar which i went for terawih..one of the perks of having a car

ramadhan came and went by...
to see this blessed month next year..is enough of a reason for me to keep on living..
hope to see you again dear friend

other than that selamat hari raya aidilfitri everyone maaf zahir batin

a friend told me to keep on writing, even though it's been months..thank you for the support..

a lot happened this past few months for me..it was the most eventful, and yet, nothing happened
the memories were beautiful, but the ending, although not as well for me, hopefully is for the best and i hope the choices made will be the happiest for others.as for me i feel like i made some stupid mistakes, but this is one of those times when mistakes can never be repaired, or forgiven...i'll live with this regret...this clown still have a show to put,and an audience to entertain..i'll paint that big red smile over my face..and live on..

to shafiq and mazidah

2009-07-13T14:35:00.003+08:00

congrats bro

my third posting

2009-06-24T02:11:00.004+08:00

i am now in orthopaedics..so currently i'm in my third posting after having done with medical and o+g ..it's been approximately 10 months since someone called me doctor in Klang hospital
my entries seem to be getting darker tones and scarcer than ever, but believe me i am the same man, though i couldnt help but bear a grudge for having to extend another 2 months of my already two-year-long housemanship training while i was in my 1st posting in the medical department.
truth be told i do enjoy my work, other than what i said just now, i like being a HO, even the 2 long months of extension was beneficial in a way (I had more time to do more procedures than normally a houseman in Klang Hospital would.)

I found myself more relaxed doing stuff, and some people seem to think it’s a big deal i finished those 2 previous postings, but i wouldnt say I’m ready for ortho just yet...every dept is different and it’s helpful to know what exactly you are doing no matter how many times you’ve done something similar in another department.

Orthopaedics is a great relief in comparison, finishing at 5 is only 2 hours earlier, but after coming home only after 7 every weekday, it’s so refreshing.

I’m actually doing tagging calls, which means i have to stay until 10pm (in the other departments its up to 11pm, but who’s complaining right), but the feeling of going back early is just too great, I’d still go back 1st, rest,eat and pray and then return to look for something to learn.

The calls are also something i’m looking forward to..4 to 5 calls per month- approximately half of what i’ve been doing in my previous postings (approx. 7-9 calls per month in medical, 11-12 calls per month in o+g which usually means a train of eods throughout the month)

The ratio of patients per HO is also so little in comparison i could’nt help but smile whenever i think of it.

It doesn’t mean starting as a HO in ortho would make you less of a HO though,IMO. I know a few guys who were really smart coming from ortho, who could do their jobs in their new depts just as efficiently.

Life is changing...the guys who got married are mostly expecting. I finally bought a means of transport and will soon move out of this old skool hostel.I’m starting to contact my old buddies especially those near me. Facebook is a great tool for this (besides fster). We’ve been laughing off electronically (no, not as if in the transformers voice, though it'd be cool if i could) as we look at some of the more comical moments in our student lives in zam’s photo album.

The kids in volgo are coming back again, and some fresh blood will enter the service of the Ministry of Health...mmm..fresh blood..

an entry to wrap up 5 months and get some crap outta my head

2009-05-25T02:12:00.005+08:00

5 months.
if i was truly faithful to this blog.it would have been filled with entries, love/hate stories of my life's work, how it changed me, touching goodbyes to my overdue stay in medical, the new department i came into, my newfound struggles there, my recent assessment, hopefully my expected leave from the o+G department, the new phone, the new car im planning to buy, my latest exploits, the upcoming wedding of my friends, my ex-roommate's birthday, my gourmet adventures with my current roommate, my exciting, fun and definitely enriching experiences in the labour room the past month, and how much i miss my university life, and how thankful i am they taught me to be a doctor, especially dr alexander zharkin and the other professors who taught me exactly what i needed to be an accoucher (to this i defer from a friend of mine's comment to me in private that what he learnt did not help him much- it helped me TREMENDOUSLY, in fact, what they taught me was more than what i learnt here).of course, here is where i learned to BE a doctor. take responsibility (however little it is now,thankfully) and train to become a good one, or at least a functional one who knows what he's doing.
my struggles in the medical department taught me the hard way that here i need to learn the local medical jargon, learn how to present them correctly, how to work with the system, and the current local protocols and management.and it works. and also to keep studying. even the consultants take time to read bak once in a while...it'd be egoistic for me not to study just to prove my university taught me well enough.which i did for a short period, for which i hated myself for taking in too deeply coincidentally hearing what some arrogant colleagues of mine thought of the supposedly inferior doctors the government sent to learn in some foreign country or other.
i'm actually smart enough to keep it to myself, brewing it in and occassionally annoying (hopefully not) my roommate- those comments which made some actually nice people into annoying jerks whenever i thought about those few dumb words they talked that day. i mean, it's okay to have pride in your university, but downgrading others just to show you're better? any high school kid can pull that off, and anyone with any common sense can see through that ruse.
the only thing we can do about it though, is to show them what we've got.just give those 'inferior'
docs a few months, and, in my case, i'll be just like any doctor you can point to. sitting with me in that conference room. believe it. (yeah i kinda still hold a grudge- it's a good motivational tool, see)
as for you guys still in my alma mater. have faith and study well.be motivated in learning, which i know most are.try to do the practicals here when you are in the clinical years. we are not high school kids who suddenly become doctors in hospitals. i know my six years were not wasted. i only had to learn the common local terms, investigations, and protocols (which are actually really simple compared to our textbooks)

oh and the original thing i was thinking about:

8 hours a day, no calls, 10 beds 2 housemen, intense cases and lotsa cute babies - LABOUR ROOM ROCKS!

Troublesome patients, troublesome job

2009-01-16T01:21:00.002+08:00

“We are not witch-hunting, this is only a learning experience, please dont take it badly...will the houseman and mo responsible for the patient please stand up”

You’ll hear this a lot from our HOD of Medicine during our Friday mortality meetings and whenever there is an issue, or a mistake made...
Make no mistake, I believe the HOD is a good man, and he means what he says, and believes it to be true.and it is..It usually really is a learning experience, and not once did any mistake got out of that meeting unless it couldn’t be helped. Our medical department really does protect their doctors.
The only problem is, no matter how you cushion it, or cover it with sugar, spice and everything nice, it’s still putting blame on someone, and I doubt anyone who gets up likes it.
Fortunately I haven’t had that rather uncomfortable experience – yet.

An interesting thing that happened in our recent meeting was when he produced some actual complaints from ex patients or a powerful relative..
One such criticized the referral letter done by a HO. It was badly done, as the HO had just started, didn’t really ask, and the MO didn’t notice.
Another one was an email sent straight to the MOH, and incredibly stated the name of the HO the patient was complaining about. It was about the unethical ill-mannered way a HO handled the patients in the dengue wards. The houseman wasn’t there, was already scheduled to leave the department the next day, was already a 3rd or 4th poster, and later denied ever taking care of the patient more than blood taking once, without even an exchange of words. But that particular HO could only deny that point, as the HO was known to be brash, and at times ignited the ire of not just the patients.
At that particular moment, the HOD couldn’t even get himself to read the letter, so he asked someone else to read it. The moment the email was about to mention the HO’s name, probably all the HO and maybe some of the Mos held their breath or skipped a heartbeat, including me...everyone had a skeleton in their closet they’d never want to recall.

At one point in my work, I developed that tendency to get mad at every patient complaining of pain/sob all the time....even to the point of patronizing them for disturbing my and the nurses’ work. A patient I once admonished expired during the weekend about two months ago...nothing medicolegal or complaints happened...but it was a painful lesson in a way. Now the worst I could do is be indifferent, but the old temper can still be ignited if rubbed the wrong way, so I became careful. Now I almost don’t sleep during my calls, and I keep going back late, double checking to see if everything’s well. Thankfully my experience the past few months helped me a lot in deciding on management issues.

In another point of view, some patients are troublesome in itself. Those ‘manja’litis patients, or those afraid of needles, or those who even have the nerve to refuse and even get angry at the doctor trying to get a line (which is sometimes hard,depending on the HO’s experience and the patient’s condition). These are the guys whose drug charts would state brenula required instead of the usual initials signifying some iv treatment had been administered. And the MO the next day would have a headache and if on a bad day, would scold the houseman.
Sometimes it’s the relatives that are the problems..the ones nurses complain that they think they’re so important they deserve every minute of the nurses’ attention. Quite frequently these are relatives who are doctors , and they would quite often question the decisions the doctor in charge makes, especially if they know he’s a houseman, and a first poster like me, although they know it’s unethical and they shouldn’t interfere in the relative’s treatment
Usually it’s with these patients I let go of my reins completely. I become really indifferent, I’ll nod at every suggestion, but never really follow them, because that’s what they really want, for me to follow instead of decide. Usually in this case I’ll let the MO decide even the simplest decision, as apparently, that’s what these relatives really want. Of course if they want to do the blood taking, I let them. Less work for me, and less chances of needle prick or another unsatisfied or patient in pain for me.
Not that I couldn’t manage. I have every confidence that I can, to a certain degree, manage simple cases on my own. To disagree with them would only incite anger in me, and just further misunderstanding. To follow their opinions blindly would be stupid. I let the MO discuss and handle the situation.
Of course what would you do if it was your parent in the ward, right?
I try to keep that in mind in every case I handle. But humans can forget.

Clinicians versus radiologists

2009-01-09T00:03:00.002+08:00

This is purely from my experience, after 4 and a half months of being at the bottom of the pyramid of the professional caste of medicine.
The clinician and the radiologist – both possible future options for housemans and med students. First of all im really thankful i’m in medicine...there are so many possible choices for my career in the future...i feel like the little zergling worm that gets to become anything from a giant flying alien crustacean to a living disgusting zergling factory/fortress to a superunit in starcraft..
Anyway these two species rarely meet in this diversely intercorrelating small environment called a hospital..but both are crucial, like so many other aspects, in the treatment process of the patient..the central subject of our work.
So how do they interact? That’s where we house officers come in...our role as messengers have been embedded deeply into the programme called housemanship I’m supposedly “enjoying” right now. I dont mind having to go down every now and then, read up on the way (especially when it’s not my case- sometimes), and try my best to convince the ever-so-busy radiologist that this is an urgent and necessary intervention. But in some things,as with everything in this world, they are always at odds with their idea of what is urgent and what is not.
One “urgent” request i never could get urgently was the “urgent ct neck,thorax,abdomen and pelvis for staging”. I know, both parties have reasons why it is’nt/is urgent.
The clinician/specialist/mo wouldn’t want this ct study too late, as the earlier the cancer is treated, the higher chances of the 5year survivability rate..letting the patient go home first, take the scan a few weeks later, then deciding what kind of treatment is simply unacceptable in their minds..i tried to talk the out of it, but who listens to the houseman right? Some common replies from my pleas of not wasting my time in (in my opinion) a futile attempt to get the radiologist to do it on the same day of diagnosing the cancer was “of course it’s urgent. Are you nuts?” or something like that, or something along the lines of “why wouldn’t they accept it..it’s stated right here (shows the previous scan and/or u/sound) that they were the ones who suggested it”
After those brief conversations, the houseman/peon takes out his pen, dishes out the forms,carbon paper, etc, gets the specialist countersign, and prepares himself for the impending encounter with the radiologist downstairs..(on a good day, that certain HO even believes in his heart that this will work,and those helpful tips he got from the specialist/mo would prove fruitful)
He gets to the scan room, clears his throat, and does his best to impress on the radiologist the urgency of doing this.
Deep down, he knows why the radiologist would’nt want to agree..here’s a list:-
• There is no urgent or life-saving procedure no matter what the outcome of the scan (unless it’s a primary cancer- which is usually a coincidental finding or after routine screening, and without clinical symptoms already)
• Urgent for them means the patient’s life is in danger and severe permanent outcomes would happen if they didn’t do the examination helping in the decision for the course of treatment
• They would have to put aside extra time to check almost all the systems from the neck to the pelvis- precious time needed to finish their scheduled scans and reports before the clock turns 5.this might sound a bit selfish, but they do have a lot of work, and like everyone else in the hospital, they manage their time the same way – they prioritise.
So what’s my point?unfortunately i can’t recall another “mission impossible” task of urgent special examinations...but this one is clear, and the point is I hated whenever this examination comes up, because it would mean me wasting my time going down and up, sometimes multiple times, trying to get something they’ll never agree upon –maybe they would, when-um- stretchers learn to fly or something..
Dont get me wrong, i’d take a ct brain urgent TRO ICB or US KUB urgent TRO obstructive uropathy or any other necessary tests that requires urgent intervention any time and help save that poor patient’s prognosis. Especially when u get all the facts/reasons right, and everyone agrees it’s urgent.
The bottom line- why wouldn’t they just tell me to get a really-really early appointment, we’ll decide the date (usually within 1-2 weeks) and readmit the patients like how the nephro team does, and decide the treatment..as what usually happens anyway (actually, they get a TCA ward first, and THEN the MO would decide to admit the patient to start chemo, or to refer to ghkl or any other oncological department in Malaysia) instead of telling me to fight over something the other party would never see. Come on guys..agree to disagree..and cut the chase..at the end of the day i’d still learn something anyway...but with way less time and effort wasted
And here is the rest of it.

A day in my life

2009-01-06T00:06:00.000+08:00

this was one common boring Monday
1. Reviewed 12 patients
2. Discharged 7a 7 8 8a 9 12
3. Followed MO reviewing my rounds
4. Traced all results
5. Requested for urgent ct scan
6. Went to mortality meeting
7. Went for Friday prayers
8. Helped put brenula
9. Helped someone clerk
10. Helped someone remove CVP
11. Accompanied patient for us urgent
12. Cxr reporting
13. Us urgent for patient which had cxr reporting
For the patients not leaving:
1. One had hypokaliemia and anemia for FBP to find out why (probably because he has diverticular disease too)
2. Another is supposed to be refferred to HKL for further treatment
3. Another needs 10 more cycles of PD before discharge
4. Another developed temperature just after my review...but probably it’s URTI and we’ll discharge him tomorrow
5. One just had ultrasound TRO AV fistula of the femoral vein and artery- which he didnt have..but still needs to be reviewed by the nephro specialist before discharge
6. Another still has signs of fluid overload – his EF is 23%, the swelling was noted in gp long before...i dont know when we’ll be able to discharge this guy..probably when we’re satisfied with th eresults (it IS improving) and then we’ll refer to IJN again (he defaulted follow-up)

Things i found out
The patient at the back with chronic liver disease & massive ascites is transferred to acute d/t loss of cinsciuosness (E¬1M1V2)
The ex ivdu patient at the back with extensive tattoos and symptoms of gangrene 2o to emboli or DM foot ulcer is now in subacute
Half the Dengue patients are finally going back today
Anil might be extended
Kuhan will go to pediatrics
Why voltaren(diclofenac) could be dangerous (adv reaction- toxic epidermic necrolysis)
I’m still not sure what to do next
I’m pathologically addicted to mangas
I cant login to my ym messenger
And here is the rest of it.

Happy New Year!!

2008-10-09T00:37:00.006+08:00

This is actually a long ago post which wasnt published, but i'm not wasting time writing a new one...

What have I done for myself with my gaji?
I bought a fridge, a phone (the old one “collapsed”- i did manage to “revive” the old chap but it wasn’t working as well anymore), and lotsa food for each meal i could get my hands on..
Am planning to get some wheels, maybe a pda (the quick reference is really helpful in the wards), and i might move out some time this year.
Other than that I’ve been saving more or less...i still haven’t got my 4 months’ worth of on-calls (i get 8 calls every month) but I’m not really in a hurry to get it,they can give it in bulk later, I’m quite comfortable already.
Have you heard about the day off for the doctor on-call? No formal circulation is out, but the consultants doubt that it could happen..firstly if in HTAR, it would mean 7 housemen would be missing out of 20 something, and that’s not counting those taking their rest leave and EL..
Secondly if 4-5 out of 6 HOs in charge of one ward were on call that night, then the next day would be haywire if only 1-2 housemen were to take charge of 60+ patients, when previously they had only one cubicle..i had a similar day once (new housemen went for orientation,2 were on leave)..and it was not pretty
My personal opinion- how about giving those post-callers a half-day...they wont need to clerk any admissions for the day...just finish the rounds and any other issues in their cubicles, and go home early just like any weekend. It’s plausible..at least better than the day off idea...any qid monitoring or pm stuff could be covered by others in the ward.
Maybe I should get this stuff straight to MOH, and maybe I should iron my clothes too once in a while, maybe I should jog once in a while and maybe i should wait for that proverbial blue moon first.hehe..
PS: do you think I should stop using the READ MORE button for each posting?It seems to make us do an extra click to get to the full posting, a real pain in the neck if your wireless internet has problems catching up with a turtle in a race..heck, I can't even properly download my YM these past few months...
currently listening to: Aliff Aziz
Sayang Sayang

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!

2008-10-03T23:48:00.005+08:00

Maaf Zahir Dan Batin

here's to all who know me, and know me well enough to frequent this blog, even though it's been irregularly updated since the past 3 years - thank you

Im now a houseman in HTAR Klang,in the medical department, living in the hostel for 1 year
Im working 7 days a week, seven to eight on calls a month, with about 10 days of holidays for 4 months (including this 5 day Hari Raya break, which was a miracle i could get 5 days)

I had a needle prick incident on my 3rd or 2nd week of work...the patient was restrained by two policemen but still managed to kick me lightly- enough to cause the needle prick as i was setting his brenula. So currently Im on meds, Combivir to be exact..and boy does it have side effects
lesson of that day: assess the patient you're going to prick first

i've learnt a lot more but it would take too long to list everything.

A little advice for my dear juniors in Russia:

...lepas 3rd year try la wat attachment, especially kat hosp tertiery/besar
biasekan diri ngan hosp2 kite, sistem2 kite
aku blaja sistem rusia je..pening stat keje
tapi rugi la klu kite tolak sistem tempat kite blaja sendiri...byk bende yg bagus kat dlm sistem rusia...

(i copied it from a recent YM chat...got too lazy to rewrite everything)

PS: no i dont have a car yet, I'm not planning anything except trying to do my job right (and finishing off those discharge summaries piling up), I received my first rounded up paycheck about a week ago (found out yesterday), and I disowned my last camera and gave it to my sister who's going to USA next year, so currently I don't have anything to record vids and pics with...too bad

have a great hari raya everyone, hope you had a nice ramadhan this year

And Life Goes On..

2008-07-24T20:40:00.005+08:00

"We DID IT!!"
congratulations to everyone in my 2002-2008 batch of medical students in Russia!!
we finally made it safely to the other side,
and now we're doctors!!

so what happens now?
this is the end of a chapter in our lives,
and a beginning of a new, bigger and insyaAllah better one..

oh the usual... nearly everyone's registered with the MOH,MMC and SPA, and waiting for their posts.. some like eric opted for the army..
some are getting married like gmi in kelantan. He's going to move to bangi in a rented house with his wife..he sounds pretty happy on the phone,hehe good luck mate
some like yik, bought cars, computers, clothes etc for work..
a few others are taking their licenses..usen, yik, wen im (i think)
the sarawakian girls (wan tsien, beatrice) are undergoing btn as we speak
some, like Jana, are going places, like India.most of us had a few trips to other cities in Russia namely kazan, moscow, sochi, and st petersburg (i think the moscovites have recently finished their trips,they'll be backe on the 25th)..undoubtly most of the volgogradians have visited their families and kampung..
the nizhny novgorodians have come back too. They brought back taiko and jimis' documents from the embassy a few days ago..
some spend their holidays meeting friends and meeting families..
i stayed at home and *cough* read comics and a few books like the annotated sun tzu's art of war for management, some mags, and *cough* a few medical books..and was online virtually every waking minute...but neglecting to add anything on my blogs and stuff..dunno, I just didn't feel like it. No pearls of wisdom from me..seriously, this is the only thing i could come up with.

But all this will end soon..and so begins a new chapter- work!

I'll begin mine soon- on the 31st of july will be my BTN, followed by the induction till the 19th of August. I'll be there with a few volgograd students- li fan and ragesh (so far).

I'm skipping almost everything- gmi's wedding, zulfaizal's wedding, nadiah moscow's wedding, some ppim and other camps and stuff..but i wont be in most of them anyway, i was in Labuan, and i promised to take care of my older brother while my parents go to my younger brother's graduation this august..(and all this seem to fantastically clash as if the dates for everything was pins and a bowling ball of 2-3 days crashes into it with a strike)
So in short i wont be going for any of them. Straight to work for me. Work work.
I'll keep to myself first, which hospitals did I choose. Most of you reading this already know, or can readily guess, I think.
You'll know eventually.PS: I love Kartik's look searching for his mortarboard. Priceless.
(you should have seen the others' too..miliseconds later)

Why did the Chicken Cross The Road?

2008-07-20T00:24:00.002+08:00

I had too much time recently, but I don't feel like writing a story of my life just yet.
instead, I tried solving the more difficult questions in life, like
why did the chicken crossed the road...
here are some opinions from well known figures

BARACK OBAMA:

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. If the chicken is against us, it must be dealt with quickly and severely. A loose chicken can be a dangerous terrorist threat to the free world!

DICK CHENEY:

Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken!

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

PAT BUCHANAN:

Obviously the chicken intended to steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to

give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been

allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No 'little bird' gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new

platform is much more stable and will never crash...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot

any other ideas?

Exams..the big one

2008-05-18T01:23:00.009+08:00

wish me luck!

that's all no need to

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-12T00:11:00.007+08:00

Today is a special day. Mothers' Day.

I'm not really good at speaking stuff like this.But being one who has set up a blog to connect to others, I might as well try and say something.

Being the flawed person that I am, I made especially sure to put a reminder for this day. among the usual birthday and other days. But unfortunately I overslept as I didn't sleep much. The holiday (Den Pabedy) was a lot more busier than I thought. I tried calling home but she wasn't there, but I did speak with my sister who got an offer by MARA. Then I had to do some things which I had promised.
Since I didn't get to say it personally, I'll give my wishes here

Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day
We love you always

For some who has been there for me no matter what, this is the least I could do

have you ever wondered what a mother's day is like?
for nine months we were parasites inside her womb. when we got got, she lost sleep and just to feed us. Our days as children were not always ice cream and fun. those grazed knees, crying bouts and spilled ice cream is just another's mother's day.
What about those times you made a racket, about that thing you always wanted? or those dangerous times you made your mother worry? have you ever thought what her day had been like? instead of thinking of only you?
I've never been much too...
even being so far away, I know she always thinks of her children, and worry about them anytime she has a reason to. Being the type who's bad at long distance relationships ( I mean relationship as a whole. I've never even considered myself capable of having a girlfriend far away)
I try my best to stay in contact with this one special lady. Though it's not much, I know she understands. And now I understand too, even a few words is enough. Just enough to show that we're there, we're ok, we remember her, but mostly that everyone's fine
that's just a few of all the days that our mother goes through, and today is only one of them..

so this is where I get my habits in front of the camera

the stinging nettle

2008-05-06T00:10:00.021+08:00

W

ho would have thought an innocent-looking little plant like this could make such problems for me?

As a sign of respect for what it did to me, and for the 'dendam' I'll keep with me, i've dedicated this post to this little bugger.

would you like to see its thorns?

Here it is!

you can barely see the thorns till you get close enough, but you sure can feel them
Till it pricked me, I didnt even take a second glance at it, but now, i get curious about ALL plants, and get a bit jumpy if I'm too near..
there it is sitting near the windowsill, looking as innocent as all the other plants, the Russians seem to like to grow plants on their windowsill. I wonder would they grow thorny ones
looks more like soft hair
3 of my fingers developed itchiness, and little 'mosquito bites' appeared (can anyone come up with an English or Malay term for this?), with redness... later my previously mild symptoms of headaches, rhinorrhea, sore throat and high temperature episodes worsened.

next up - riviera, and my final polyclinic class, if I have the time

mei already?kirovsky and blog updates

2008-05-05T08:33:00.013+08:00

Other than the gynecology cycle tomorrow which, undoubtly will be as much of a headache as last time, this week I'll be helping out with the campaign for the funding of the kirovskiy masjid - some interviews, articles, the blog. It's a great opportunity for insyaAllah a continuos good deed.

to find out more about the kirovskiy masjid campaign, please click this link to the blog.

If you noticed, i've added some features on this blog, so that it'll be easier to read (bigger, clearer fonts, layout, brighter colours) and the newer posts will be only partly shown, to make it easier to browse, and lose some megabytes for you megabyte-conscious people, and also ease up on loading this page.
so please remember to click the READ MORE! button if you wish to - well, read more

Some other new,interesting features are the recent posts, and the picture slideshow, though only about the latest travel in egypt about 4 months ago. I guess I got a little bit excited tweaking up the template.

If anyone has any trouble loading this page, or a certain feature is eating up too much time or megabytes, please tell me. I'm also rather curious about how this page looks like in other computer browsers. To me it fits just nice, but for some it might look weird (too wide, or too big, with disproportionate side bars, text, headlines, etc.)i'm looking forward to improving this blog more, insyaAllah.

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately, and this blog's future. The past two years, i haven't updated this blog for months at times, and in the next two years, insyaAllah I'll be doing my housemanship. But the purpose of this blog is still the same, to connect me to anyone reading this, specifically family, friends, blogger friends and generally to anyone interested, no matter how long the interval between one post and the next. So for better or for worse, I will keep on blogging insyaAllah. Hopefully I can be one of those bloggers who are already working, with families of their own, who are still actively blogging and even inspiring others.
If possible, it'll be interesting, especially for other med students still learning next year, to know what I'll be doing after graduation and during housemanship. What are the chances of blogging as a HO in Malaysia? Maybe I should start a poll. Next time, hehe.

if you look at my timetable on the right, you'll see that there's not much time left. Some might wonder if I should even be blogging right now. But sometimes I'll do stuff like this to keep me off the pressure.

But I'll be needing support, and I seriously need to have more motivation and hopefully, reignite that 'passion' for learning medicine.

cuti mei

2008-05-03T00:55:00.013+08:00

bismillah

unfortunately for me i spent most of my holiday with a runny nose, headaches, chills and a sore throat (personally i blame the stinging nettle that pricked me in class for making my previously mild symptoms worse). hmm, maybe it was actually fortunate, that i didnt have to go to classes for three days, insyaAllah enough time for me to get well,and i dont have to 'obrabot', or 'ganti klas'. in the mean time, i skipped those meetings i was supposed to go in the 2 mosques that we have, but i did go to the final day of our football league today, and took loads of pics and vids...hopefully i didnt infect anyone..hehe

here are some pics..maybe i should cut on the pi c posts or just make a link to my other dusty fotopages...

first year meminta derma utk masjid kirovsky
links to masjid kirovsky and the site

btw, less than 1 month left before my exam sessions...brrrr...spectating.

cikugunya supporters and spectators
powerful tmd
the strong kim and their supporters
the tongkat n kim combo
cikugunya-winners. tahniah

ahad...

2008-04-21T03:40:00.009+08:00

tmd vs kim line up burger ikan bunge

past weeks
la hermandad team talk
spectators

lining up for nasik kerabu n nasik minyak
last week

food sellers intense moment?
cold banding/grape juice anyone? nasik paprik n nasik grg pattaya

rojak pasembor sellersfood

eat eat more

danial carrying food

more food

sushi roti canai on green plastic bag

eat roti canai shaurma

keropok lekor
menus (depends on what they cooked):

nasi paprik
nasi goreng pattaya
rojak pasembor
nasi kerabu
nasi lemak
nasi minyak
nasi tom yam (hiroshima)
roti canai
burger ikan/ayam/stailprosperity burger
shaurma

others:

muffins/cupcakes
karipap
keropok lekor
popiya
sushi set
roti jala

refreshments:

air bandung
air jagung susu
air anggur
coca cola/pepsi

oh yeah, only 2 more weeks till the games end....

so far the three top teams still have a fair chance of winning the league..

so far, ALL the food have been sold out

bola n makan.....

exam ozz winter lepas

2008-04-10T22:23:00.007+08:00

camne cameraman ni amek angle gini?adakah die spiderman?

awk bleh stat ngan soklan atas ni dulu, jgn hiraukan spiderman..eh cameraman kat sebelah kite ni..
student:sebenarnye dragon ball ada 7 bijik je dlm dunia ni
cikgu: seriyess..!?
student2 blkg: stat dahh..
(di sebalik ke'hensem'an pelajar pada hari itu)psst..ape jwpn Организация медицинской помощи сельскому населению?
gambar kelas yg terlebih cerah ini telah diedit,soalan: apakah yg telah diedit? 10 markah

never shout

2008-04-10T21:43:00.007+08:00

assalamualaikum wbt

never shout, the lower voice is heard better

a reminder for me, because i know this, but still can't apply it well enough (in chinese kung fu stories, having a booming voice means the character has a strong and rich inner strength.. :p)

now I empathise with some of the Russians who were perceived as either rude or brash by us Malaysians, but as i got to know them better, it's only their voice is that much louder, and to them raising your voice when speaking out is normal and doenst need a retort (in most cases, unless I'm the one preceiving it wrongly)

the only remedy i found to stop the ensuing bickering (which Alhamdulillah, is not that often, though at the time this post is written it might have happende recently) is to keep my voice lower even if the other side has started picking up a fight. miraculously this works, but my own temper needs to be in check.

I'm in my surgical rotation, and I've seen how the surgeons here, with their own professional opinions, stick to what they believe in, while arguing with the other surgeons.I guess when you make life-dependent decisions on a daily basis, you'l have to have that kind of confidence, to be reliable. but almost all the time, the arguments will suddenly stop, with the decision up to each other. i guess their purpose was only to better themselves and their colleagues, and as long as there's no big medical mistake, or anything, it's never a big deal.in the end they respected each other's opinion and let the responsible surgeon disembowel the patient however he wants,or however the higher ranking surgeon wants.

another thing is to acknowledge when you're wrong -this is hard.

next time i find myself at odds with anyone, i'll try to remember to keep calm, lower my voice, acknowledge anything the other party is right, and focus on what's really important at hand, insyaAllah.

an old picture,amputating the right ankle (not really sure which part exactly)

in one month's time we'll have our mcqs, then final exams in june..

By the Night as it conceals ...

2008-02-27T03:03:00.006+08:00

of fitnah, and the unsuspecting

2008-02-19T23:26:00.009+08:00

i had a headache today, so i slept (for health reasons) and skipped the bi-weekly (as in twice a week) lecture.but the headache still lingered on, and when i started reading this particular email, my mood worsened,and after a bit of investigating (more or less) i had to send this email (originally i intended to write about fitnah and stuff, but then got lazy. The email is succinct enough i guess)

salam sume,

jangan terpengaruh dengan email2 begini dan forward. siasat dulu. Apa gune lego buat bende tak berfaedah macam ni?

sila baca statement lego:
http://assets.lego.com/upload/contentTemplating/LEGOAboutUs-PressReleases/otherfiles/2057/upload800D4B12-8F1A-44DD-BF8A-49790FCF3341.pdf

ada beberapa je kemungkinan:
- org Islam sendiri yang nak api-apikan sentimen orang muslim,tapi dengan cara salah, malah belum tentu pun musuh kite ialah LEGO
- Musuh2 Islam
- musuh2 LEGO yang mempergunakan kita

yang pasti, gambar2 fitnah begini merosakkan minda kita je, dengan memberi imprint dalam otak yang merosakkan, wallahualam..

ini lagi berite lego,dan statement tadi klu terlepas:
http://parents.lego.com/news/2006.aspx

http://assets.lego.com/upload/contentTemplating/LEGOAboutUs-PressReleases/otherfiles/2057/upload800D4B12-8F1A-44DD-BF8A-49790FCF3341.pdf

semoga Allah mengampunkan dosa2 kita, dan menunjukkan jalan yang benar..

Salam

there have been other similar emails I encountered on the net, like the coca cola ad, starbucks, and Ka'abah. I dont know what to say about them.
I'm just gonna say be wary of the internet's info,and maybe all other media too,as at times, it may be misleading, whether intentional or not, to the unsuspecting people.
sometimes, it's better not to have seen those disturbing images.dont you know there's a cult or something about watching gory images, or porn etc. Some poor souls have become addicted to this kind of stuff.IMO these stuffs (the emails) can be categorized as one of them,
it's an unfortunate negative byproduct of our information technology days
zyryx deep in thought..more in the lines like 'coolnye aku klu wat cani...',well, partly..hehe

of leisure, and the internet

2008-02-17T04:48:00.008+08:00

WARNING: further reading may cause information fatigue to the unsuspecting, or uninterested mind..

I’ve been asked a lot these days by my friends about why I keep staying up late at night. It’s actually out of concern, my midnight activities have made me sleepy in class, and I even sleep during breaks, and, even in class sometimes (now this is bad).

I blame it on the internet

It is a well-known fact that most sleep deprivation comes from too much time spent online…coupled with my first experience here-with all the tension of classes and lectures- of a few months of unlimited internet… I’ve become the true internet geek, though I’m not proud of it.

For many the internet offers many different things. Contemporary telecommunication technologies makes it possible to even view live shows, games, news virtually anything. Whole new virtual communities keep showing up, providing a virtual environment for lonely freaks, er… I mean people to connect to others in ways I’ve never dreamed of thirty years ago (that’s definitely true, I wasn’t even born yet)

Ok back to the point..My midnight internet activities. Hmm…have you ever heard the phrase curiosity killed the cat?...well for me it made me nearly nocturnal. I start by opening my pc, checking my email, blog, friendster…then ‘tada’..it’s already tomorrow morning at 2 o’clock…

Ok2 that was a bit exaggerating… I do pray, cook, eat, wash my clothes, do my assignments, buy foodstuffs, play with the household cat, etc. (here's the afore-mentioned cat, by the way- it's been a while eh?)

(trying to catch the shark in the screen..she's really cute, isnt she?)

It’s actually hard to explain this. How about if I give yesterday for an example:

While I was opening my computer, Zam, who was already on his, commented something vague about Volgograd being the sister city of Coventry, London, where some of his relatives live. i got curious as to what sister cities mean…so I wiki’ed it. After a long article about what they actually are, and their significance (in a nutshell, they are like ‘pen-pals’, but involving whole cities, ‘to foster stronger relationships’, and usually they have some thing in common…for Volgograd and Coventry, they were both bombarded/attacked during WW2), and another artivel about twin cities,which had slightly different meanings. At the end, in the list of cities given as examples, the cities Sodom and Gomorrah caught my eyes, this led to other articles describing nearly everything from history and geography to biblical, Jewish and Quranic point of views.
Now ladies and gentlemen, somehow the views from these things, and ancient mythology (Greek, Roman, Chinese and some others) have always been an intriguing topic for me.
Thus a mention of Procrustes compelled me to read more about his legend, and that fascinating part about the procrustean bed and procrustean analysis, used in modern science and mathematics. Next came Theseus, the hero king from Athens who had slain Procrustes with his own method (read Procrustean bed), and his adventures which can be comparable to Heracles (the Dorian hero, Theseus was the Ionian hero). At the end of his journeys, another more interesting fact came with the tale of the ship of Theseus, which was preserved for centuries, but with every (rotting) part changed over the years, giving rise to the Ship of Theseus Paradox: a philosophical debate of the whether it is the same ship or not (other parallel paradoxes are John Locke’s socks, Grandfather’s axe, and even rock bands with the same names but totally different players and Herbie films(the one about the living car).
Theseus’s journeys meets up with a lot of other interesting Greek characters, all with their own wiki articles: Aethra, Amaryllis, the Minotaur,somehow Perseus, another Greek hero, and his best friend Pirithous, their fights with the centaurs, and their final pledge to marry daughters of Zeus, ending in Pirithous’s doom to suffer forever in the underworld because he tried to take Persephone, the wife of the underworld God, Hades, which was unforgivable. Interestingly Theseus was saved by Hercules, during on of the 12 labours of Heracles, which was to obtain the dog Cerberus in the underworld.
And Article about Hades proved equally eye-opening, he wasn’t as evil as we thought. In fact he was more towards passive, more as a balance to the living world, and one of his main attributes was being just. Another article would tell us that during the war with the Titans, the gods were given weapons by the Cyclopes: Zeus with his thunderbolts, Poseidon his trident, and Hades- the Helm of Darkness, which renders him invisible. Before the first battle, Hades used his Helm to sneak into the Titans’ area and destroyed all their weapons. After they had won the war, these Greek Gods decided to divide the realm between them, thus Zeus got the sky, Poseidon controlled the seas, and Hades ruled the underworld.

I skipped things like the Minotaur, as I already read it somewhere else, and there was a whole lot more to read.

It didn’t end there, from the Greeks, I somehow went through the Golden, Silver and Bronze age of DC and Marvel comics, with about 20 different characters ,and the pre and post crisis stuff in the comics (apparently the multiverse in which all those superheroes live in- yeah they tried to round up ALL of their heroes from the start of production till now- was destroyed , and remodeled into only 52 parallel universes, including ours)
Eg of superheroes: superman(obviously), batman, maxima, robin/nightwing, zatanna zatarra, the monitor, antimonitor(responsible for the crisis), starfire (3 of them),Doomsday (died with a superman), parallax, the gren lantern corps, Oa, and many, many pointless others..wasting my time, and probably yours too, by the time you finish reading up to here.

By the time I finished, it was already 3am..or was it 4?

by the way,here are 2 of about 10 webpages i read today...they're very interesting..really

i was worried about my headaches, so this article captured my attention for some time..

http://www.realsimple.com/realsimple/gallery/0,21863,1700343,00.html

i once remarked about this orion in cairo,egypt,the sky was so clear then and i was sure i recognized it. while walking back a few days ago, and today, i saw the same clusters of stars above my roof in volgograd. to make sure, i searched the internet, and this is what i found..fascinating..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orion_(constellation)#Orion_in_Islamic_astronomy

what's new with zyryx

2008-02-06T01:27:00.000+08:00

salam
in 2 days, my final sem will start, before we all go home for good insyaAllah
right now, i'm preparing stuffs for the classes, and my parents' n sister's visit on my graduation on the 25th of june.sounds easy but russia's far and not really that reachable wihtout some effort.
my dream of becoming one of the finest students shattered long before, right now i'm just thankful to have come to this final sem, and insyaAllah, i'll concentrate more after this to graduate, and insyaAllah work as a good enough doctor.
I'm just getting really2 curious about what my prospects are as a doctor,what are my career options, which place is better,what should i go for? can i go far?and should I, or could I...things like that.
about the near past- well, i've been travelling again..probably for the last time as a student-tourist..this time to egypt.i really cant thank enough the students/ustaz there who helped u a lot and took us around, especially zam's close friend from high school, ustaz Luqman, who took care of virtually everything.it was really a precious experience
a few days before this i took the time to browse around the other internet webpage services for photos and blogs..and so, after some consideration,i've decided to change my photoblogs to flickr, the reason : i could upload much, much more photos in one shot.but the 100mb limit per month might prove a hindrance..but..my uploads are small in size anyways..hehe
i've started to upload my pics in egypt here
meanwhile.. the fotopages is still active,as i still have a lot to upload from my previous travels around europe..blame it on my procrastination..sorry..hehe
NB! the images are small and altered, although i dont sell them, if you want a pic as a wallpaper or something, ask them from me, insyaAllah i'll send the original pic to you, in the original size if you want

i'll also try to upload some videos..but i might not take the trouble to edit it in any way..
another interesting website that i might try using is multiply.com
but that remains to be seen as the only point of it is that it connects all my webpages in a nice layout..i still have problems connecting it with my youtube though..
more or less the webpages are essentially the same in name...you'll see the word zyryx nearly everywhere i go in this cyber world

here's a new video, in alexandria ,hopefully viewable

since there's so much to do..please consider this website, and the others, as under partial construction..as i still need to reorganize the photos and layout..

PS: somewhere in the distant corners of my memory something tells me that someone tagged me for something..should i do it?

калау блех баче анда адалах пеладжар месия медик

2008-02-05T19:23:00.000+08:00

салам алайкум семуе

садже нак ват тренд..хехе
мунгкин корг дах прасан, меманг факта...ада сату голонган дже йанг блех баче пост ни...орг месия таклех баче, орг рисски пун пенинг нак агак..
йа, селамат датанг ке дуния кита..
тиада орг акан пахам, кечуали анда- пеладжар малайсия ди русия..
тахниах!!

happy new year

2008-01-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

С новым годом друзьям!

Желаю вам успехов и счастья

одевайтесь хорошо..

-20 (and up to -29 if wind chills,maybe more..)

selamat hari raya aidiladha

2007-12-20T04:17:00.000+08:00

why getting beat up by russian hooligans isnt so bad

2007-12-06T05:33:00.000+08:00

- you get the attention (though it becomes a hassle the moment another repeated question turned up- yeah i know they're concerned,it's just that i've reverted to the kinda antisocial guy who likes being alone and be oblivious to the surroundings,even blogs..it's a process,which is not really recent, and has nothing to do with this story)
- you get free food from visiting friends
- more time at home!(i didnt have to sleep in the crappy hospital wards -miraculously only bruises and swellings)
- more free time!no need to study, repeat classes..hehe
- which means i can cook more...
-eat more..
-play games
- sleep more
- i have a pretty good reason to postpone stuff, otherwise i'd have to find excuses for my usual procrastinations...hehe..i'm not sleeping, i'm 'recovering'
- you can say 'it wasnt that bad'
- you walk the same path- you're brave ,you trash talk about russians- you have a good reason to,but if you dont hold a grudge- you're kind

what really happened-

we were walking through the sakura park from detskii sentr (we're having acupuncture classes there) to our house near the vokzal..about 3 guys walked past us casting glances, we felt something fishy..
in front about 20 metres were around 15 other russians...usen cautiously said we should run..i told them to run to the right..
the next moment the ones behind attacked us..fortunately we were mostly ready..
i blocked a few blows (fortunately i was attacked 1st), and managed to hit the guy on the abdomen,making him move back a bit to our front(my 1st and only counter attack, which probably didnt hurt too since the jackets were thick)... then i noticed the other russians in front starting towards us.meanwhile zam was attacked too and i went after him...somehow he managed to escape, this part is a bit blurry, but we ended up in the lane on our right, running..i was a bit far behind..and looking down i could see shadow of 2 pursuers right behind me,from the only lightpost still working..i tried quickening my pace, then the worst happened- i fell down (probably the mud,ice or snow) on my knee..the last zam saw of me my hands were still up blocking them away..but some still tried to follow my friends so they ran to a nearby theatre (where there's light and more people)...
meanwhile i realised that they've surrounded me, and i bailed out and took a fetal position on the ground.. so they kicked me, the most dangerous of them trying hard to kick my head..others just kicking..i managed to stay conscious, and heard them chanting somethg that rhymes with hitting...and mostly tried to convince them that i wasnt conscious while covering weak parts as best possible..
*thankfully it was dark, and they didnt have any weapons (one of the things i was afraid of, which is why u should never provoke any more or fight back too much when they're too many),and the thick winter gear helped, also, any longer they would have actually managed to break a bone or two,but Alhamdulillah they didnt
so they stopped and ran(they didnt take anything!)..after a few moments i stood up,getting ready if they were still there, and convinced that they were gone, i went for things that fell of..
subcionscious i somehow caught everthing that fell off from me (my gloves, snowcap, glasses) and was still holding some of them..my glasse were crumpled up into a ball without the lenses.rather comically i reshaped the frame and tried to wear it (u can interpret it all u want), and asked a passing couple to get me zam's files which i knew fell somewhere..
so the ordeal was over, but the night was not..i walked back home, but as i found out that my friends were still in front of the theatre i went there and waited for the police with them...muddy and with a gash on my right forehead which suspiciously looks like the soles of a boot..more on my wounds later
we went around on the police car, and found a group of >15 people drinking in the park, but they denied everything and i couldnt see nor recognise them, even when i went to them face-to-face (my poor eyesight of 0.6 is a really big disadvantage)
i didnt write any police reports, and we went home, where we called an ambulance..we found out that adib from 4th course was also attacked abuot 30 mins before us..i met him at the hospital, as i got my x-ray...
i might have written too much, so i'll fill in on anything if you wanna ask

the wounds:
- the worst one was my left knee as i fell down hard..it had a deep cut and swelling
- of course the injuries to the head are quite bad, with the large boot-mark gash on the forehead and a swelling on the right parietal parts (upper mid for u non-medic geeks) were equally bad (it's my head!), and i was repeatedly and quite viciously attacked there..alhamdulillah there were no fractures nor neurological symptoms, and i think i had defended my head quite well (hehe self compliments again)
- pain in my lowest left rib at the back, probably it had been hit hard quite a few times, i'm certain of it..but, no bruises nor swelling on my body,miraculously..
- bruises and cuts all over my face, ears, forearms etc..
- my right eye swelled up and while subsiding produced a painless hematoma similar to that of being punched in the eye...i imagine a disturbingly gruesome sight esply with that big gash for some..(i can see their expression, duh..)

all have healed well alhamdulillah,other than the residual pain (which hasnt decreased and is really a bother when u travel) and the pain from the tetanus injection (muddy wounds..) on my right back, which makes the pain on my back a symmetry of right and left..aah the wonders of modern medicine..
i dint bother to put any ointments btw..hehe

i'll show a pic taken that night if you like, but ive got to sleep now...tata
dont let the russians scare u...it's really not that bad..

ps: if i've got the time to bother, i'll update more on the circumstances and my opinions about that day..
PPS: ayah,the report is done through the U and i'm having a little trouble getting a copy, so pls wait a bit more..insyaAllah i'll get something, i'll try..

Breaking The Habit

2007-11-09T06:13:00.000+08:00

sorry about the linkin park plagiarism, but some of their songs really do ring a bell to certain aspects of my life..maybe that's why they're so popular..their songs-especially the first ones, were in touch with the problems most people face, and they didnt sing about problems, they sang about facing them, and overcoming them..well, that's how i perceived it when i listened then..

Did you know - well, of course you dont, i guess - that everytime i wrote something here, it affects me as well, and quite significantly too..when i write about my failings, reading them back -the words that i have published- gives me a resolution to make them just that..another post in the past..
-and there i was wondering what good will it do to open up and show my weaknesses-
i guess people show their vulnerability on their blogs for a reason... (or even many reasons)
problems are what makes us human...and the way we face them is what makes or breaks us
It's probably not too much to say that problems really are blessings in disguise..with problems we are able to grow, to learn, to become better.
They are chances- a chance to change for the better, a chance to show how much we care, how much others care and retrospectively showing the conditions/closeness of relationships, though there's no real standard to them, and others
they also force us to take life seriously and reconsider things realistically..a way of testing our limits
enough said, if i said i was lazy, i'd try not to be by the time i write the next post, when i wrote i was lacking enough sleep, i tried my best to contemplate my condition, and started wondering was it really not enough, or should i change something
i have lots of bad habits..at times i can be lazy, and my time management can be laughable..as of now...i will try, insyaAllah, to be a better person than today.
I will inshaAllah, do everything i wanted to do, but havent done. i know that i have wasted a lot of time, even unnecessarily
i know i can do lots of stuff..even have both elements of work and play, everyday..if i have the proper time management, or the proper resolution and willpower
it might not happen all at once, I dont deny that it might not happen at all, but it's a good start

in the meantime, i'll have a good laugh about everything wrong with me
this is my resolution for the day
I will break the habits of yesterday

these pics have got nothing to do with my bad habits, though

"as long as it's Halal"

picturing daily life

2007-11-08T05:51:00.000+08:00

remember the ibans and how they used to collect skulls? scary stuff, right? this is a normal table for almost evey teacher I've met here..they collect REAL HUMAN SKULLS too, see? (even the students too..sometimes parts of it, siap ada yg tak pulangkan lg, tulang2 tengkorak tu..)
some of us went to the city circus duirg the 3 day holiday (den narodnova yedinstva)
they got camels, kangaroos, leopards, etc, as the theme was "safari",the rest is what virtually every circus has
KIM FC - winners of the recent football league with the most goals and only 1 (or was it 2?) draw(s)
busynye diorg, guess who's the laziest

to get more pics, visit my fotopages, i've been updating them for some time,but mostly it's the europe trip, and some raya and a few months old pics

sleepless

2007-11-08T05:29:00.000+08:00

time-when we have it, we tend to think it's endless..well..that's how i seem to perceive it..which is bad..
I wonder what happens to my time..the past few weeks have been weird..I'm awake so late into the night, sometimes i see morning...insomnia?maybe..at times, it's 3hours, but some good nights i managed a decent 5 hours' worth of sleep.
Unlike others who might do the same, I dont sleep during the day,but the chronic fatigue is there, and headaches - well, they're already a part of my life, at times. Sometimes, the worst happens - i doze off in class in front of the lecturer..
If i dont get coffee(which i rarely take) or food, i sleep a few minutes during those few recesses.lectures- well, if i go, i get some sleep there..if i dont - I wont sleep at all..
what's happening?
at first, it was work, then it was headaches, later on the internet became unlimited..i dont play games late into the night, ok half true, i did play twice till very late..it was a 3-day holiday and i couldnt resist, but i've kept my games to at most 2 hour a day and that's it...some days i dont play at all..
i dont do stuff...maybe it's still the internet?
i sleep so late, then miraculously i manage to wake up in just enough time to get ready to class..where's my time management?
I'm not really busy with work, I do try stuff, but not that much, and i stopped exercising since Aidilfitri (except those 2 football matches)
man...I really need to get myself together
My back's starting to ache and i've started whining like an old man...

Nur Ain, good luck on your SPM, i'll pray for you, for the best, insyaAllah

Im just weird that's why

2007-11-05T10:08:00.000+08:00

berhari raya ramai kali terakhir...

2007-10-24T04:38:00.000+08:00

unless u count aidiladha of course,will update soon insyaAllah
visit my fotopages for more (really?more of these?i'm getting sick of seeing my own face, and mostly it's behind the camera!)

ps: my apartment's internet service has been upgraded yeehaaa!!

A walk in the park

2007-10-05T07:28:00.000+08:00

After autopsy, my new cycle/rotation is the most undemanding of this semester- medical law. The only thing we have to do is make one presentation on one of the problems of medicine and law today, and we’ll be practically off the hook for about a week-attending classes without any home tasks at all …too bad we’ll miss 2 days due to the annual medical checkup- the class lasts only an hour a day! Wohoo... That means I get to go home until 3, then go for the day’s lecture, or sometimes ponteng and stay the rest of the day at home :P

Too bad after this it will be tough subjects in hospitals far from the centre- infectious diseases, and later on therapy for 1 month...and the polyclinic rotation seems rather hard too..

It’s getting closer to the end of Ramadhan, good luck in your ibadah in these last days everyone, may we find Lailatul Qadr insyaAllah..

2007-10-03T03:06:00.000+08:00

felt a little obliged to put something in here, but still a little too lazy (still waiting for that unlimited internet line) to actually write anything..here are some pics during ramadhan....only 8 days left...got lots more to do..

now somebody please tell me why i needed that fotopage in the first place?

3rd week?

2007-09-18T02:55:00.000+08:00

i felt as if it's been longer,

my surgical cycle/rotation finished last week with some work unfinished..hehe.. my patient reports will be sent later, i guess..
ete 'doing his thing' during a topic on surgical proctology, yeah it's a DRE

we started our children's surgery cycle. that's all i'm gonna say :P

this 26th, the juniors are coming...and i'd be the happiest junior if i were one of them, they've got wonderful seniors over there coming up with a drive to sell their old clothes cheap (most of the proceeds go to the student body and local mosque, and probably it'll be very cheap), and as usual they'll be greeted with a hearty and warm welcome (well, maybe some 'collateral damage' victims might not), a home-cooked dinner, and insyaAllah another meal for their first sahur, an orientation will be done too, telling them how to find food, classes, communication services, there's even a buddy system, with the list already full before it reached my hands(well, not to say i would have joined, though i might..)..how can anyone top that?..the same will probably be done with the private students coming sometime later..and the orientation would usually be done after all have arrived..

speaking about the collaterally damaged peeps just now, i hope they wont really get kicked out if they dont really want to..insyaAllah..there should be some space..

this 22nd marks the start of our third league, this time organized by Shuk, someone who is not part of any team, nor plays any football, but is a great choice for an organizer anyway. maybe it's better we started early..the days are getting colder (and the rain makes it even chillier), but i like it in the mornings..

2 days ago we didnt have water (the annual plumbing to prepare for winter), and my apartment had a temporary blackout on friday so my batch didnt meet up like we were supposed to for tarawikh...but somehow the next day we took our chances and played football, with the optimistic thinking that the water would be back by that night, which didnt..and we played again the next day..i've played football for 3 consecutive days (I even missed my pre-fajr sahur the 2nd day).. my worn-down boots became irreparably unsuitable for playing, and i had to buy a new pair..sigh..i can see it now... ^$^ ^$^

^$^ ^$^

^$^

bye-bye money...u're free now, my pocket's sweaty and stuffy anyway

haha

a very short dedication

2007-09-15T03:55:00.000+08:00

tidbits to fill some space

2007-09-12T03:27:00.000+08:00

I've been dozing off in my class nearly everyday since we started surgery. I think it's the atmosphere..since I doze off during that long final hour, around 1pm, sitting and listening to the lecturer and classmates discussing the day's topic. Yeah2 it's not right. But I do wake up when it's my turn to explain...It's been boring without the internet. You'd think I'd be more productive since my few hours on the net would be less..but no I'm not.Ok, so what happens to those extra hours i get from all of this..hmm..cleaning, rearranging stuff, reading, registering, shopping for much needed stuff, sleeping..and did I mention about the mess we're living in with a broken fridge, a leaky toilet(we cant use the flush and need cement for the repairs), a glassless balcony door(gotta fix that before winter), and a really really dirty kitchen with yet another leaking faucet. To date none of these have been fixed yet. If I were to tell you about what we did, the list would have been longer, but why bore you some more with those little tidbits of my life.

Events past:
- the deputy minister of Kementrian Penerangan Malaysia came to say hi and give the 300 or so of us a dinner. unfortunately less than a hundred came (which meant food was wasted, eventhough we sent most of them to the hostels afterwards, and as the food was for everyone, that's a lot of tasty food spoiled for one lazy evening)

- we (my batch) celebrated our last after-hols massive birthday combo for 10 people namely ete, falah, lin, yik, aruna, bear, wen im, farah, beatrice and suraya. Nicely celebrated, while eating we watched an old home-made movie about our first combo bday celebration, the day before everyone moved out of the hostel, really funny (everyone was different, except my clothes,hehe)

- the 6th course have decided to create a committee (is this spelled correctly?) for our graduation this year- to go out with a bang i guess

upcoming events:

- Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan this thursday 13 sept, for everyone!

- the volgogradians are crazy enough to continue our football tournament sometime this month! "better hungry than cold" i guess. Right now, it's really fun playing football in the evening after a long day of class and lecture once in a while

ps: we cleaned the kitchen! bday n the visit's photos later if i have time, and if anyone actually wants to see them anyway

gtg sleep...my lecturer's gonna kill me if I keep this up

berkelana

2007-09-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

not one of my better works- in embankment station late at night in London

i'm back in volgograd for my final year..alhamdulillah we've survived until now..

my vacation was great

i recommend joining the kelanaconvoy tour for anyone wishing to tour Europe, with everything planned out nicely, and good food, and not a single night spent sleeping in the bus.
for us it was a pleasant journey, we almost managed to go everywhere we wanted (and what we didnt get was, for me was covered for by the precious memories we had in the places we did manage to go to), and all of us had a really great time. obviously there are unforgettable moments we'll always cherish, and hopefully the friendships created during the trip will last, insyaAllah

my camera recorded about two thousand pictures and videos, add about 8 other cameras and we have whole gigabytes shared together. I'll try my best to upload at least the best of my pics, and maybe some of the betters ones from the other cams

ps: due to some technical problems this post wasnt published as intended, i havent been online for quite some time now- about a week, due to some problems with my internet card.insyaAllah I and my housemates are setting up a better internet service for our home, but it'll take about 2 weeks, in the meantime, I wont be able to do much, maybe i'll buy another internet card.

till then..c ya

pieces of me?

2007-08-04T18:32:00.000+08:00

bismillahirrahmanirrahim

I find it hard to integrate parts of me into one. I thought a blog would do the trick, but substantiating my thoughts was not as easy as I originally thought.

It’s too complex…part of me wants to freely blabber out everything like some others, another part fights hard not to do it, finding this medium inappropriate for such mundane or silly matters. I’m starting to (and am trying hard not to) repeat written thoughts, but in my head I do them all the same, over and over again, needlessly. It gets to a point when it’s exasperatingly annoying. Yes, I’m annoying myself. Those 2 parts of me better make a certain agreement sooner or later, I’ve got loads more to think about, innumerous more inner arguments waiting on the list forming right now, by that part of me which likes to list things (if you read my PDA, or notes, which I doubt, you’d probably agree). A part of me wants to put in serious matters here, like announcements or anything, some parts of me disagree. One little voice in my head (that obviously likes to contradict everything) points out that it’s pointless to put in something like that here, since no one reads this often anyway. But then, if I do something like that, or try to keep this blog up again, maybe people will read it more. Maybe I’ll leave that voice in the back for later, since it’ll contradict itself some more for a long time if I let it.

A positive part of me thought up of labeling my entries in a comprehensive way, a list already formulating way back there each time this thought came up (even a permanent part for polls!), but the lazy side of me pushed it away, siding up with Contradiction and The Skeptic(it’s too bothersome!) and Insecurity again while wondering which comic should I leech out from this internet heaven, or dig out from that treasure of lost childhood comics, or which cartoon should I see (yeah this coincides with my inner child’s drooling approval)

Is this blog going to join those 200 million or so other dotsams scattered in internet space? Like a mass internet elephant graveyard for lost webpages, unwanted, forgotten by their creators? I hope not.
My initial aim was to integrate parts of my life into one webpage, but could it lead to this blog’s disintegration? Interestingly not just my blog, but I, the person me, seem to be stuck in this limbo, this personal struggle of minds clashing that seems more like war to me. Each battle is stressful if not taken care of, I felt as if a “rewind” remote control button for my thoughts seems to be constantly pressed. Choices, choices. Decisions decisions. No one is spared so why should I be. Not that I’m an indecisive person. No, I’ll never admit to myself that, nor any other negative thoughts, unless it’s the truth and I need to face it and kill it.
I'll never admit that I'm insecure, crack under pressure, or can't handle things...i can do them!!
It’s just; maybe, I don’t know…I guess that’s why it’s important to be done with things instead of leaving them hanging there. But sometimes things are like that...u can never finish a book in one day, or make a proper-length film in one shot. Rome wasn’t built in a day, though there are possibilities, which also reminds us of the possibility of failure, or the crumbling of whatever you build, even for years to fall in a day, or even seconds. Like trust for example (now this is really rambling, I’m changing topics like the weather)

what a hassle!

2007-07-23T14:38:00.000+08:00

the university asked us to do some stuff back here in Malaysia, but the instructions kept getting confusing eventhough it was actually not that complex.all they asked was 2 or 3 things,

1. the original SPM certificate, stamped by

a) ministry of foreign affairs and

b) the russian Embassy in KL

and then translated into English, then Russian, and a few certified photocopies of these..

2. NOC (no objection certificate) from our ministry of higher education

for students with only SPM and no A-level certs

3. Maybe a certificate of completed secondary education, which more and more sounds like SPM to me, (Pn wan munirah from MARA seems to think so), or maybe a cert from INTEC , according to Ms Roline (who's doing it for private students for a fee), and Pn Azliza (who's doing EVERYTHING for JPA students- lucky them)

anyway the question about this third thing keeps going back and forth, in my head and around...funny thing is, the list i got from the embassy didnt mention anything about it, eventhough what i understood from my seniors and the university was that it was supposed to be legalized in the embassy too (making the process exactly like SPM). the letter from my university also makes the "document for completed 2ndary education" sound more and more like SPM..i even got scoffed at for getting this done

what i did (i followed kakak aida's instructions)..

1. i(or rather, my parents) asked LPM for a translated SPM before i came back to Malaysia, i also asked for the NOC beforehand.

2. in Malaysia- i translated my school-leaving cert anyway, and got all 3 documents certified by Wisma putra.

3. at the embassy I asked for legalization stamps but found out they werent cheap, so i got 3 stamps- 1 for NOC (which might have not been needed in the first place) and 2 for copies of my english SPM (since both my SPM certs are laminated)

and i couldnt find anything about the complete 2ndary edu cert stuff,so i left it at that

something very fishy was the really expensive stuff at the embassy. why is that? 1 stamp costs a whopping rm128 per stamp. in comparison the stamps at wisma putra costs rm10 per certficate..who gets the money?some malaysian individuals 'helping out'?the officials there?

my own personal guess..the costs were in roubles but someone didnt take the trouble to see the exchange rates, and instead changed just the symbols..

all together, you'll need rm1000++++, and I'm not kidding..

here's the list

Beware of zam/usen

2007-06-16T08:33:00.000+08:00

They were sleeping in the living room this evening, when either zam turned and ended up on usen or usen fell from the chair and fell on zam.
Either way, beware!

It feels a little breezy nowadays, especially since our kitchen door glass was taken off (the one facing our balcony), kene hempas byk sgt, dah longgar. So now it's windy outside, and inside. ~~Like not wearing undies~~

At least it's fun to watch syphi's fear of thunder - boom and she's gone.
She's an annoying orange furball who hates being hugged and scratches people. But i guess love is blind and hurts a little. We'll hug her anyway. That's her purpose, not lying around all day coz it's hot and she's furry and can't do anything about it.

I had a headache again:( unfortunately
Must be from walking in the rain and under the hot sun for too long a few days back. So now i gotta study like hell to catch up on infectious diseases. And this stuff is really tough - too much information to absorb in one go..

mase utk study bukan main game atau tgk movi

2007-06-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

nah scratch that, i kept playing those flash games, watching movies, sleeping, cooking, eating..
wish me good luck,
btw, speaking of scratch, can u see that cute kitty sleeping under the covers as if she's the one studying for the exams? she did something uncute
ouch

changes

2007-05-29T00:58:00.000+08:00

Some changes were made for this blog, coz of that upgrade template thing..
and then i changed it some more now,

ITS WIDER

AND I ADDED SOME PERSONAL VOLGOGRAD ADS HERE-->

AND THAT'S HOW I ~~PROCRASTINATED~~ ~~USED~~ WASTED MY TIME TODAY

The VeCtOR

2007-05-22T08:09:00.000+08:00

zyryx vector#18

This is bad. The exams session starts on the 4th, the scramble for zachot signatures and attestatsias starts right about now, the study group notes' deadline is next monday, and I spent my last 3-4 days making this vector of myself. Yeah, it's cool. It's awesome! I got a bit too excited doing it - and now i'm gonna pay.
By the way how's the vector?
I recently read about it somewhere (yeah, i procrastinate a lot), and tried it myself (yup, one procrastination leads to another)
I made about 18 variations (mostly it's the nose and the shadows), made a lot of mistakes at first, and didnt even finish the hair part well enough, but it can pass off as a vector- at least I think so- and i really should get back to work...real med-student work

Like I said,I spent a lot of time doing it, eventhough I could either
1. Search for a program to do this
2. Find a photoshop which could do this for me; or finally
3. Dont do this at all and concentrate on your exams demmit.
But yeah, it gets some pressure off (like doing hobbies& blogging ), and the feeling of accomplishing something (no matter how pointless or time-consuming) is indescribable (which is contradictory, since using the word 'indescribable' is already a description in itself, and probably an exaggerated expression now and most of the time).

To my sister nur ain dont follow this part of your brother, study well, doa n solat hajat banyak2, and good luck for your SPM this year. You'll do fine, insyaAllah

the early, ugly stages, quite a messy start, some who watched got quite a good laugh..huh

PS: bye bye extra pics

stray thoughts about food again

2007-05-22T07:53:00.000+08:00

I was eating in the (then)recently opened culinary behind our university. As usual our lunch here would consist of bread, or some other flour-based food like piroshki,buns, pies and cakes.

this is a khachapuri with cheese = one of my favourites (among cheap, easy-to-eat Russian food)
Our conversation was suddenly turned to what happens with the extra food the culinary here, or any other places selling food commercially when the day ends. There must be a lot of it. The most logical thing to do with them, especially those which cant be kept for long, seems to be to throw them away.
Somehow my thoughts wandered to the poor people i met here in russia, who live on the streets, and generally about these people without a place to live. It seems paradoxical, that these restaurants and other food establishments throw away their food every day while others (i dont know how much of this is true, maybe it isnt,but The pessimistic part of me says it's unlikely that it's not)
Well, maybe not all the time. My friends tell me of their friends who work in kfc or some other food franchise, who after work bring the extra food to their family&friends.
But then, if everyone could get the food you for free at the end of the day, wouldnt that be bad for business, right? Maybe the restaurants could send those food somewhere a bit further away,where people need food.
Maybe somebody could buy these food at a lower price at the end of the day from these restaurants,or even get paid for taking them, if not given for free - a company made solely for the purpose of avoiding waste of food that i imagined.
Thinking about this, i remembered that cartoon episode of Yakitate in which the main character re-cooked his friends' bread (he works in a bakery) and gives them for free. Think about the barakah he gets from such deeds, if it was real,hehemy orange shirt,got nothin ta du wif duh entry

the 100th

2007-05-21T05:12:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I last entered anything in here, I don’t think it’s appropriate anymore to ask forgiveness, or tell about that long past Moscow games, my dad’s birthday or anything past in my absence on my own blog. or maybe i should, i guess anyone who actually do check this blog must have been bored already, waiting in vain for me to add something.
In a way, that's much better, since I don’t like feeling obligated to write everything here, even if I can write anything.
I’ve been reading other blogs, occasionally adding a comment or 2, but mostly I’ve been silent.
i made some projects of my own on the way, maybe I can say that I did everything but update here..no I’m not closing down this blog, but probably I wont be blogging much either, since the exam sessions are in about 2 weeks time. And I wont have much time.
Btw, I’ll add some articles I wrote but didn’t publish
This might sound lame and is just another excuse, but I didn’t post them because I felt that I shouldn’t post anything until I finished all my unfinished work (patient reports, projects)
It would be too early and too much to post them just yet, insyaAllah in the next following days I’ll post them. In the meantime, please enjoy these pics of Volgograd’s spring I took and edited. I’ll add some more in the upcoming entries, insyaAllah, and I’ll prove to u that this is not a ‘janji kosong’
Please consider the 100th post not as an end, but as a new start..

My Quotas

2007-04-22T07:44:00.000+08:00

I wonder why it would be so hard to make quotas; don’t we do them all the time?
Let’s take my case for example.

-Internet time quota:
limited to 1 card per month (around 200- 300rbls, especially since the rates increase the past few weeks)

-monthly expenditure quota:
everyone has this, unless they're freakingly rich, or have freakingly rich and maybe overly generous benefactors, so I’m not going to elaborate more.

- Daily/weekly expenditure quota:
one of those I bend a lot. Depends on my wallet (the one in my pocket, not the metaphorically speaking one u idi- ehem, the next one..)

- meeting people quotas:
after some time, I’ll get tired, so this is an energy-saving measure. This quota is a subconsciously active one. It might be different for different people. I even have a friendliness quota with girls, and other human types, even online…the only ones I don’t have these quotas with are animals and me. I think I treasure my quality time alone.

- Talk quota:
I don’t know if everyone has this. I give my mouth limits quantitatively and qualitatively. I can still only guess the maximum limit, but I try only to talk when it feels right. meaning I’m learning to keep my mouth shut.

-sleep quota:
kinda the other way around, it’s the amount of least sleep hours I need. I’ve been trying to get this one straight (and less), but it’s an uphill battle with my sleeping habits

- Food quota:
I do have it, how else can I get my expenditure quota right, then? Actually, there is not much of it, because it’s a substantially large quota, because I eat a lot, and it can grow depending on my lifestyle.

- Exercise and rest quota:
ok this sounds like bull, and p
artly like a community service message phrase, but I try them too.

- work quota:
if you want proof that I am the opposite of the traditional workaholic, here it is, I try to make it only just enough so that I can get by without too many complaints.
My work motto seems to be “why procrastinate tomorrow what you can procrastinate today”. Man I need motivation.

- My fun-and-games or time-wasting quota:
you’ve been a bad boy zyryx…very,very bad...

- My hobbies quota: again this one works mostly like the work and sleep quotas. I must do my least number of hobby stuff in a minimum number of times allotted. In other words whenever I have the time I must make my decision either to do them or go to sleep, chat etc.

- my ibadah quota- again, no upper limits,just lower ones

- my sin quotas : i'm trying to nail it to zero, but think about what i should do about my visual quota, hearing quota and others that i might not know of...insyaAllah i'll try to in every breath i still have

Sometimes I can be mad enough to break these normally human quotas (I believe these quotas are subconsciously hot-wired to our brains o that we can function normally), and there u’ll see a dysbalance in my character, like some nights when I don’t sleep, which is a cause for me to sleep more on Sundays.

I’m trying to be a good muslim, and I’m trying not to be a spendthrift at anything, but not too penny-pinching either, so I made these quotas with both upper and lower limits, as a means of achieving what they call “wasatiah” in my life, insyaAllah.
or maybe i'm just another wannabe control-freak for some

p.s. – rather than quotas, you might consider this more as aims, but the word quota seems to pop in my mind somehow, probably from the last comment I read here in my blog. Whatever.

End of April means...

2007-04-22T07:43:00.000+08:00

- Hitler’s birthday: Watch out!
- The games are coming up!
- More holidays! Less lectures! Yeay!
- Estestasias and long- postponed referrats! (and the upcoming exam session) Boooo!
- Summer’s (or is it spring?) coming! Goodbye freaky cold winds see you next semester (I’ll miss you when it gets hot and sweaty and people stare at me because I sweat too much), and light jackets too

dont these fallen seeds look like furry slithering caterpillar-like creatures?i wonder if it helps them in some way. Wallahualam

a bad excuse

2007-04-13T05:32:00.000+08:00

hello..this is your wake up call..meow ---what the-ouch!hey!

Can I blame my absence of entries to writer’s block? Coz I can’t seem to write about anything even if I try, like right now. A lot can be said, and I can think of many things to talk about, but I just cant seem to find what I want to write. Here’s a thought, I’ll put a key word, and I’ll write a little about it

Studies: quite ok, but I’m not really into my studies right now, maybe. I dunno .it started with the headaches and maybe a bit of neurasthenia. On the other hand, I exercise quite a lot nowadays, and that seems to keep those headaches at bay (or at least minimize it), or my brains from frying. I’m waiting (I hope) for the moment my brain functions start to kick in Right now I’m like on autopilot.

Life: seems synonym with football (and volleyball) nowadays. I’m trying my best to get up for fajr, which gets earlier each day, like every previous years. Back to football, that’s where I train, play, talk about with friends, discuss strategy with, joke around (ok, maybe I do this almost everywhere else too), winning, losing, wondering why and how,and get good home-cooked meals made by the girls and boys who are great cooks and sell it every Sunday (and Love, if you think I should put mushy stuff in my blog here, is synonym with food for me…yeah, all that great delicious delectable, mouth-watering, irresistible food- nasi lemak,nasi ayam, nsai briyani, nasi minyak, milo ais, cucur udang, karipap to name a few- ,as long as it’s halal, hehe..mmmm) . Don’t worry about the football fever, I’m not much of a football fan and so it’s not that serious.

Internet: had increased its rates the past few weeks, so I had been cutting time surfing to make my internet money quota. But next Tuesday, I’m getting new cards with cheaper rates, as the Flintstones say it- Yabeddabeduu!

yeah, i havent updated in a while..

2007-04-08T06:16:00.000+08:00

Hey it’s already a week into April and I haven’t even updated. Sorry blog*stroking screen*,and sorry to all those bored enough readers out there, who still pop in here once in a while to see if this site is ever going to be updated…
To make a 3 week absence short, I’ll try to give my usual post-long-absence highlights of the month (not including ones I have posted, of course)
(Yeah the usual- my classes, have I changed the way I brushed my teeth, did I have a haircut, have I gone insane yet..etc)

My first counterstrike tournament!
This was during the MIRC (Malaysian Indoor Recreational Competitions—I’m hoping next year we could change it to MIG- Malaysian Indoor Games, hehe) made by our UMNO club.i didn’t play, I was too much of a fanatic, so I became the tournament organizer, hehe.. kinda fun..

Next up-

My classes-to put it short ICU- oncology- therapy
(Very interesting, we learned stuff-like, d’uh what else right?-I think I heard this somewhere but I’m on a rush here before you get bored again)

The big MacD’s in town! – It’s a gold rush for atherosclerosis risk increments!
Quote form my lovable onco-lecturer “other places are closing MacDs down, we’re opening one”
i'm more excited about that jar of cili api/padi in rinak that costs only 70rubles!

La Liga Volga numero duo- not the official name (makes a nice headline for me), but they’ve even got a website or 2! Our very own Malaysian football league (demam bola melanda lagi!!). Filled with its own unique blend of drama, passion, fans, paramedics and people cashing in on the hungry and thirsty players and fans, the second season, and already in it’s 3rd of about 7 weeks. I hope the food court gets larger. The food are great and at reasonable prices. I love it!

Russian poetry anyone? - Ever seen Africans reciting it? They rock, but yeah, they sound more like rapping too. At least they didn’t forget any lines, hehe

Maulidurrasul- selamat menyambut maulidur rasul...we celebrated in the hostel with a get together, some tazkirah, and selawat… a wonderful day celebrated in a beautiful way

Happy birthday Mak and Abg Awg!
My mother celebrated her b’day on the 12th, and Abg Awg on the 21st, I’m sorry I missed it.

I, SIRED
I don’t know when it happened, but I’ve somehow penetrated into this group whose aim is to make our first annual student publication.

Dial-up Internet hikes up again!—but as a card seller, I promise u guys a new card with the old rates will reach Volgograd in 2 weeks, insyaAllah
Потерпи ещё Чуть-чуть мои друзья

my future specialty?chew on this!

2007-03-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

The medical specialty for you is.... Orthopedic Surgery
Orthopedic surgery is the best of all specialties. As an orthopedic surgeon or "bone doctor", there will exist no injury too minor for you to perform general surgery on it. But the real reward will come when you are able to see your patients walking again on their own two feet (i.e. after two years of physical therapy).
To find out what specialty best fits your unique personality, go to:
What Medical Specialty Is For You?

yes, one of the specialties that i think might suit me,hehe...(seriously, i considered it, but- it's probably like daydreaming, till i wake up to smell the antiseptic next door to my class..hehe )

think again what you think about me

2007-03-13T04:25:00.000+08:00

You Are 72% Paranoid Schizophrenic

You definitely have a chance of being a paranoid schizophrenic.
Crazy or not, you certainly don't have a good grip on reality!

Are You A Paranoid Schizophrenic?

whatever , it's just for fun

i'm going on a trip around europe (11-25 aug) this summer, with zam, sam5,adib 3rd yr, 2 moscow girls, and anyone else interested to join.we'll be joing the Kelana convoy, so we wont have to worry about accomodation, transport, most of the food and our prayer times(which are observed as part of the trip. anyone interested to join. some students from the uk will be joining us, and the more people the better, so if anyone's interested pls tell me.(the voices in my head are telling me to do so...hahaha)

what i think is weird

2007-03-09T04:10:00.000+08:00

For me, it’s weird that more often
· The more we speak, the more people misunderstand
· The one beautiful outside or ugly inside is more talked about than vice versa
· The more good things we do, the more people see our faults
· The more individualistic a person is, the more successful and responsibility he has in the society that can affect other peoples’ lives
· It’s weird not to have a premarital romantic relationship before marriage for most people.

tag: weird things about me

2007-03-09T03:56:00.000+08:00

I’ve been tagged by amani. Listing weird things about yourself is troublesome even for self-proclaimed eccentric me. Hehe…

Why I’m weird is not because of what I actually do. It’s not like I do something bizarre everyday like –quote from zamani- “menjentik lalat” or anything. It’s actually my way of thinking and my choices, and sometimes it’s not that weird anymore anyway. Still, you should ask all those people who say I’m weird, and find the 1001 reasons they think that way.--- does this count?

(please allow me to put this excerpt I wrote as I thought)So far..i’m getting none, I’m changing, my hobbies don’t seem weird anymore(and has been listed by others),and memory loss seem to be quite common. Procrastinating seems to be in the normal range too. Liking to keep/collect old stuff & receipts - been there, and still doing it.

I almost always finish eating last in any ceremony with eating as part of the agenda. Many can vouch for this. Some weird eating habits that might have become somewhat my ‘trademark’ are sweating excessively right after I reach that point when most people would stop (especially with spicy food- I cant resist them both ways). At this time, I’d strip off any outer layers of my clothes and ask for tissue (so please be ready to give me some!). oh, and I usually am one of the last to start eating. The girl course-mates fondly refer to me as the DBKL, as I’d be the one to finish whatever’s left but too little or very hard to keep food.

Actually I sweat easily.

I like shirts with mostly only one colour, without any decorations at all. Nothing. Even on the back or in any corner. A pagoda t-shirt was perfect for me back in high school. Some of my shirts are exceptions. Most are plain with a strong color. I prefer fewer decorations, or without any writings or pictures of animals or people, something on the corner’s ok, and especially nothing on the back. But I’ll wear them anyway. Preferences and doing them are 2 different things. ----err... maybe this is not that weird.

I don’t listen to music much. Most of the music I listened to was from my sister’s room during her school days, and from my housemate’s computers or cds. I don’t have a preferred band, music, or even series. I don’t hate any songs (i.e. I don’t mind people listening to music next to me at any time, even if I was going to sleep, because usually I’ll fall asleep anyway). Some are just more appealing than others but that’s it. I seldom open any song by myself, and if I do…that’s weird for me.

I can hold a pen with the outer part of my lower lips longer than anyone I’ve shown it to, and still wiggle it in the process (remember neemo’s bday wish pic?-thanks again)

Most of the time I don’t really care what others think about me, e.g. how I dress (like folding the bottom part of my pants too high, or not combing my hair)..but I try to respect my friends’ wishes (they mean good), and like a Muslim Indian friend told me once 4 years ago ‘we represent Islam wherever we go, our appearance and mannerism should be appropriate so as not to give the wrong impression about Islam to others’(more or less this was what he said, thanks Suhail).
Back to the point, that’s why I could carry a bulky ~~stupid looking~~ purse around on my belt for a year (it had a tear and my mother bought me a new one), and my camera too (seems practical since I took it out every chance I get to snap something). If you’ve been reading this attentively (and why would you do that?) you might notice that this is part of the 1st weird thing listed about me..hehe

I hate to point this out. But my trademark way of chatting, messaging or any informal chat communication would end in “hehe”, which is presumably my cue to laugh, but might not be funny enough for others to laugh. It’s been with me since my 1st sms.

I did many crazy things, but they are normal crazy since I heard other people I know of do it too. I can try to list them. But that would be another entry. Hehe

I know some people think I’m weird, so please feel free to add anything weird you remember about me, hehe.

I cant seem to tag anyone else, since I don’t have that many links (see my blogging friends list) and som of them have been tagged, but aiza, fadly, gmex, matpih, anum, emilio if you’re interested, you’re on next!

Let's speak russian for a while :P

2007-03-04T06:31:00.000+08:00

«Ты русски знаещь?»
«Ер..»
«Понимаещь что я говорью?»
«Да» (лучше чем он думает, но я не хотел чтобы он ето знал)
Мы встретились в автобусе, когда я возвращался домой, после тренировки по волейболу. На чисы считается 22 часов ночью, и я уже устал.Он молодой, может быть чуть старше меня, сидит сзади меня, и от него пахнеть тот фамильярный, неприятный запах у пьяных.
Наверное он просто хотел беседовать с кем ни-будь, и от выбирал меня - одиночный инностранец едущий на троллейбусе ночью. Сначала он старался поправить положение моей сумки. После этого он был спокойным. Думая его внимание уже не ко мне, я не показал ему какой ни-будь неудобного чувства - может быть у него своя проблема - но когда троллейбус остановился, и мы выходили, он проследовал меня и постарал продолжить беседу, несмотря на то, что я не совсем понимаю (как ни странно я просто не хотел разгагаваривать). У него нет дело, и он хотель сопровождать меня домой.
Слава Богу!(Алхамдулиллах), несколько шагов вперёд, и две милиции остановили нас, и попросили нас показать документы.
Слава Богу!/Ради Бога, они хорошие люди, подозревающие что етот мужчина мешает меня. Я не сказал так, но «Что не мешал» они сказали...и продолжал спрашивать его.
«Всё, ты можещь идти» ко мне сообшили они. И я пошёл домой.

Даже сейчас, я задавал себя вопросы – правильно ли всё что я делал? Что случилось с ним после этого? Да, он мешал меня, и может быть он хотел денги от меня, или просто хотел товарищ в этой холодной тёмной ночью, но какие проблемы были у него? И какие дальше, когда милиции спрашивали его, и он ничего не показал, и с таким пьяным поведением.. Слава Богу/Ради Бога, что я ещё думаю так.

Я уже не тот молодой человек который только что приходил суда из малайзии 5 лет назад, который на всё угодно удивильно, и так нравился говорить с незнакомыми русскими.
Только несколько дней назад один мужчина спросил мою национальность, возможно ли я Вьетнамец, и я так не интересно говорил нет. Зная я не интересуюсь обсуждать, тот добрый человек просил прощение когда он ушёл.

Они не все добрые, но как ни удевительно не все хулиганы.
У меня много вспоминаний не только с плохими людьми (несколько разов, ситуация потребовал нам избегать от них), но и с самыми хорошимиб добрыми русскими людьми.

Я пищу на русском, чтобы наши фамилии в малайзий не понимали. Им не надо заботиться о своих детях больше чем пужно. Всё что случились здесь, могут случиться везде, даже в нашей любимой стране.
Нам надо вспоминать, что не все русские на улице плохие. Наша религия учит нас подумать всё хорошие о людах, не смотря на кого, и не подозревать что-нибудь плохие о них . Это правильно – нам всегда надо быть осторожным, но не покажи своё неудовольствие так ясно, эта просто не красивы. Нам даже сообшили, что мы не можем говорить ничего неприятного о людей, особенно в их отсутствии.
Для меня, я постараюсь навсегда постараюсь, дай Бог (иншаАллах) улыбаться, и обсуждаться со всеми людьми лучше, и одинаково.

Во имя Аллах, Милостивого, Милосердного!

«О те, которые уверировали! Пусть одни люди не насмехаются над другими, ведь может быть, что те лучше них. И пусть одни женщины не насмехаются над другими женщинами, ведь может быть, что те лучше них. Не обижайте самих себя (друг друга) и не называйте друг друга оскорбителными прозвищами. Скверно называться нечестивцем после того, как уверовал. А те, которые не раскаются, окажутся беззаконниками.»

«О те которые уверовали! Избегайте многих предположений, ибо некоторые прежположения являются грехом. Не следите друг за другом и не злословьте за спиной друг друга. Разве понравится кому-либо из вас есть мясо своего покойного брата. Если вы чувствуете к этому отвращение? Бойтесь Аллаха! Воистину, Аллах – Принимающий покаяния, Милосердный.»

Сура «Ал-Худжурат» Аят 11 и 12

PS: Ради Бога — for God's sake, for goodness' sake
Дай Бог - God grant; I hope (so), let's hope (so)
слава тебе Господи — thank God/heavens во славу — (кого-л./чего-л.) of the glory of, for the greater glory of, in glorificarion of
- слава богу! - на славу

Happy Chinese New Year!

2007-02-18T01:49:00.000+08:00

to all my chinese friend and anyone else celebrating !